My straight girlfriend

My straight girlfriend

Pulls away from me when I kiss her
And instead offers me a nice friendly hug.
She calls "making out" a fast and tight lipped kiss to my face. So fast I can barely register if her lips even touched mine.

She karate chops my boobs and calls that sensual.

Her bicurious eye only surfacing for Emma Watson, or Shakira or some multiracial gorgeous model.
Not Emma Stone or Christina Ricci or Ellen Page. The only celebrities I have anything in common with. She likes dark skin not pale & freckly things like me.
I bet she wouldn't karate chop Emma Watson's boobs if they were alone in the shower together. I bet she'd open up her mouth if she was kissing someone she was actually attracted to. I bet she would find a way to touch them instead of lame ass excuses to get away from them. I bet she wouldn't call Emma Watson "weird" and "aggressive" if EW tried to kiss my straight ass girlfriend.

No what's "weird" is being in a relationship with someone you don't want to kiss.

If you don't want to open your mouth for a kiss then at least open it for the truth.

Not the future

The truth is we all tried
We all gave it a go
I was sold hook line & sinker
That the future could hold it all
Dreams, words, love
All infinite
All possible
And another truth - no one knows the future
You were honest about the strands
Nothing is certain
The strands could have woven that web
But they didn't
And we tried
The heartache comes in waves
And right now
I'm drowning in it
Tonight I vow to not take my future someone (if there is one) for granted
I read your old emails
The everyday poetry of you & me
And I want to learn not to do this again
It may be too late for me to not take you & our time together for granted as that time diminishes
As it shrinks by the day
By the moment
I finally learned to savor you
To appreciate you
But it's too late, isn't it?
I want to make sure I don't do it again.
I'm sure now. I sit alone day after day & I'm not going to forget this lesson.
When they're there, don't take for granted that they'll be there tomorrow. Savor it right now 'cause tomorrow its just you & the memory of soft hugs & immeasurable tenderness.
We all tried.
And we all know.
We just don't say it outloud.

She'll never see a shooting star cause she'll never make time to look up at the night sky.

Robot love

i tried
to spill my oil onto canvas
to show you
to let you see my insides
but all they are is nuts and bolts
no magic inside here
nothing
nothing and that's exactly what you feel
i see my soul poured out trying to show you how you make this robot feel
how you take my robot cold away
you see spilled oil
I'll clean it up so i don't get it on your shoes
you can warm me
but a robot can't warm you
you can create wonder
that brightens my days
light that you give and I take with me everywhere
I can create oil spills
all I'll ever do is ruin your shoes

I swear to you this robot feels
when i hear your voice
when i read your words
when i see your smile
when i hear you tease
I FEEL
I want to be more then a calculator
I want to be more then a taxi
I want to be more then a forklift
I want to be more then a clock
and so I reach, i create with my robot fingers
a robot poem
a robot song
a robot story
a robot movie
to show you
try to show you
each one
but all you see is a robot getting oil on you
and oil is poison
to creatures with wings
my oil is poison
you can put me back together when i fall apart
you can feel my robot love when i calculate or taxi or lift or tick tock
but you can't feel my robot love in anything I have ever made for you
you make that face like when Toothless vomits up partially digested fish and offers it
you pat my head and say thank you so politely.  I like it.  I like the smell of vomited fish. and then you go wash your hands.  wash the gross robot off.
I'm just a stupid robot getting oil all over your wings
I don't want you to put me back together anymore
I don't want to get my poison on you anymore
I'm tired of taking light and only giving you oil back. 

How VS What

here we are again

why do you care more about HOW i say something
then you do about WHAT i am actually trying to convey

i sit
i listen
i'm getting so much better about not interrupting
and then when you are done
i try to say, to show you, in so many ways
I hear you.
I get that.
I understand why you felt that way.
Thank you for showing me what it looked like from your perspective.
I see through your eyes.
and I understand how you got there
I'm sorry I hurt you.

but all you hear is me dismissing you????
how the hell does that even happen?

and then
and then you're done
you dismiss me
you shut me down literally 4 words into a sentence
you don't care WHAT i have to say
what feels i felt
you don't give a shit about the world through my eyes
once you've spoken that's all that matters
'cause you think you know everything
you think you know what I'm going to say
and if I do speak you dissect HOW i say it
you make rules
no texts
no emails
no phone calls
you may not use these words
so many words banned
you think your perspective is "reality"
that its the ONLY truth
its the end all be all
no other perspectives allowed

cause you're already done with me and this conversation.  you said your piece and that's all that matters. no time.  no interest.  no motivation for anything more from me.  there's something bright and shiny and more worthy of your attention anywhere but here.
All those other things, all those other people
you have empathy for them
no empathy left for me


 

Your snowmobile being stolen is not like Rape

your snowmobile being stolen is not like rape

the smell of a stranger wearing that thief's deodorant will not make you crumble to the floor in a crowded room
a hot mess of tears and shakes and dry heaves

the sight of snowmobiles being stolen depicted in movies & television
won't ever make you fast forward

the loss of your snowmobile won't make you look into the heavens

to scream, "This god? This? After years of lectures of why I should save my snowmobile for marriage?  This is how you take my fucking snowmobile?"

it will never

make you doubt your safety ever time you are near a male friend/boyfriend/husband

it will never

cause you flashbacks in your lovers arms

it will never

send you to therapy as you struggle to mend your insides

someone stealing your snowmobile
will never EVER

haunt you

so please, don't stand in front of a classroom of teenagers and compare your snowmobile being stolen to being raped.

the ordinary girl

would you love her if she wasn't extraordinary?
would your eyes adore her if she were just
ordinary
would she bore you
would you reach for her if she was 90% less sparkles
what if she were grey
what if she just gets up every day
and does what needs to be done
what if that's all she is
or ever will be

inspired by a Siren

Saran wrap, the embroidered silk wrapped around Thistle like saran wrap.  Each step she took reminded her of the snug design.  She loved it.  Like firm hands holder her hips.  It accentuated all her best features and tucked away the not so best ones.  As she swaggered between bustling tables she couldn't help but step to the absorbing beat.  She stopped to let her eyes sweep the scene before her, "All this chaos," a smile captured her lips, "all mine".



the ceiling fan tumbled like a pinwheel throwing shadows across her face making it mimic the motions of those old movies.  If this was the, she would have been a siren.  Perfect for silent films, letting her eyebrows do the talking.