here we are again
why do you care more about HOW i say something
then you do about WHAT i am actually trying to convey
i sit
i listen
i'm getting so much better about not interrupting
and then when you are done
i try to say, to show you, in so many ways
I hear you.
I get that.
I understand why you felt that way.
Thank you for showing me what it looked like from your perspective.
I see through your eyes.
and I understand how you got there
I'm sorry I hurt you.
but all you hear is me dismissing you????
how the hell does that even happen?
and then
and then you're done
you dismiss me
you shut me down literally 4 words into a sentence
you don't care WHAT i have to say
what feels i felt
you don't give a shit about the world through my eyes
once you've spoken that's all that matters
'cause you think you know everything
you think you know what I'm going to say
and if I do speak you dissect HOW i say it
you make rules
no texts
no emails
no phone calls
you may not use these words
so many words banned
you think your perspective is "reality"
that its the ONLY truth
its the end all be all
no other perspectives allowed
cause you're already done with me and this conversation. you said your piece and that's all that matters. no time. no interest. no motivation for anything more from me. there's something bright and shiny and more worthy of your attention anywhere but here.
All those other things, all those other people
you have empathy for them
no empathy left for me
Monday, December 29, 2014
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Your snowmobile being stolen is not like Rape
your snowmobile being stolen is not like rape
the smell of a stranger wearing that thief's deodorant will not make you crumble to the floor in a crowded rooma hot mess of tears and shakes and dry heaves
won't ever make you fast forward
it will never
it will never
cause you flashbacks in your lovers arms
it will never
send you to therapy as you struggle to mend your insides
someone stealing your snowmobile
will never EVER
haunt you
so please, don't stand in front of a classroom of teenagers and compare your snowmobile being stolen to being raped.
the ordinary girl
would you love her if she wasn't extraordinary?
would your eyes adore her if she were just
ordinary
would she bore you
would you reach for her if she was 90% less sparkles
what if she were grey
what if she just gets up every day
and does what needs to be done
what if that's all she is
or ever will be
would your eyes adore her if she were just
ordinary
would she bore you
would you reach for her if she was 90% less sparkles
what if she were grey
what if she just gets up every day
and does what needs to be done
what if that's all she is
or ever will be
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
inspired by a Siren
Saran wrap, the embroidered silk wrapped around Thistle like saran wrap. Each step she took reminded her of the snug design. She loved it. Like firm hands holder her hips. It accentuated all her best features and tucked away the not so best ones. As she swaggered between bustling tables she couldn't help but step to the absorbing beat. She stopped to let her eyes sweep the scene before her, "All this chaos," a smile captured her lips, "all mine".
the ceiling fan tumbled like a pinwheel throwing shadows across her face making it mimic the motions of those old movies. If this was the, she would have been a siren. Perfect for silent films, letting her eyebrows do the talking.
the ceiling fan tumbled like a pinwheel throwing shadows across her face making it mimic the motions of those old movies. If this was the, she would have been a siren. Perfect for silent films, letting her eyebrows do the talking.
Demons
sullen girl
sulking
she built a cage
by hand
so strong
held every demon
every ounce
till a blind girl stumbled
fumbled
upon the lock
the key
those hands
escape
now the demons dance
and make me
lust
locked
it was all taken care of
i thought
i would give anything
ANYTHING
to not think these thoughts
to not feel
to be normal
but the tears
they don't cleanse
even they can't wash away this sin
i was fine
till the taste
was in my mouth
the hands
the hands
the hands
the key
the demons
March 28, 2001
sulking
she built a cage
by hand
so strong
held every demon
every ounce
till a blind girl stumbled
fumbled
upon the lock
the key
those hands
escape
now the demons dance
and make me
lust
locked
it was all taken care of
i thought
i would give anything
ANYTHING
to not think these thoughts
to not feel
to be normal
but the tears
they don't cleanse
even they can't wash away this sin
i was fine
till the taste
was in my mouth
the hands
the hands
the hands
the key
the demons
March 28, 2001
matches
hand me a flashlight
I go through these matches too fast
the fire tears through them
leaving my fingers broken and bloody
I stumble in blackness
nursing my wounds
groping
only finding flimsy matches
a hot moment and gone
I am running out of fingers to hold them
found a flashlight
steady and pure
it illuminates nicely
but my body grows cold
my fingers throb with burnt memories
give me a fire
where I can warm my body
and not be scared of the creatures
that sniff at my tracks
but I can't sit still
I don't know where that path leads
and this is not an oasis
it is a detour
how about a lantern
to light my way
through the forest
bright and hot
perfect to hold while wandering
to who knows where
but you can't tell in this darkness
you can't see what gives off that light
that pierces the night
till it is in your hand
burned and bloody
a lantern in my future
matches tonight
I am running out of fingers to hold them
June 6, 2000
I go through these matches too fast
the fire tears through them
leaving my fingers broken and bloody
I stumble in blackness
nursing my wounds
groping
only finding flimsy matches
a hot moment and gone
I am running out of fingers to hold them
found a flashlight
steady and pure
it illuminates nicely
but my body grows cold
my fingers throb with burnt memories
give me a fire
where I can warm my body
and not be scared of the creatures
that sniff at my tracks
but I can't sit still
I don't know where that path leads
and this is not an oasis
it is a detour
how about a lantern
to light my way
through the forest
bright and hot
perfect to hold while wandering
to who knows where
but you can't tell in this darkness
you can't see what gives off that light
that pierces the night
till it is in your hand
burned and bloody
a lantern in my future
matches tonight
I am running out of fingers to hold them
June 6, 2000
Monday, February 17, 2014
today
tonight was the best
i might be alone
but being lonely is a choice
and I chose different
tonight
I was sitting, watching,
sipping on the best tea
in that moment it was the best
before me were four lamps
only one shining
I worked on my heart
I worked on my home
work
and my heart
and that light became one
burning bigger and brighter
warmer and lighter
till I blinked
and the second light
caught fire like the first
illuminating the night
the universe showing me
we can work together
and I can love every moment
and never be lonely again
and even as my days unfold much different then I ever expected
I can drop those expecatations
drop the shoulds
or the why nots
and just enjoy the moment
for what it is
and what I am
and what you are
and not need to ever change a thing outside of me
i can't make you love me
i can't make you talk to me
i can't make you notice me
and I don't need to ever beat myself up again for not having the kind of magic that turns your heart
but that doesn't mean it's not magic
I'm magic
no matter who sees it
or who doesn't see it
it just is
i'm the only one who can take it away
and I'm done taking it away from myself
and I'm done giving you the power to make me feel
anything less
than
magical
i might be alone
but being lonely is a choice
and I chose different
tonight
I was sitting, watching,
sipping on the best tea
in that moment it was the best
before me were four lamps
only one shining
I worked on my heart
I worked on my home
work
and my heart
and that light became one
burning bigger and brighter
warmer and lighter
till I blinked
and the second light
caught fire like the first
illuminating the night
the universe showing me
we can work together
and I can love every moment
and never be lonely again
and even as my days unfold much different then I ever expected
I can drop those expecatations
drop the shoulds
or the why nots
and just enjoy the moment
for what it is
and what I am
and what you are
and not need to ever change a thing outside of me
i can't make you love me
i can't make you talk to me
i can't make you notice me
and I don't need to ever beat myself up again for not having the kind of magic that turns your heart
but that doesn't mean it's not magic
I'm magic
no matter who sees it
or who doesn't see it
it just is
i'm the only one who can take it away
and I'm done taking it away from myself
and I'm done giving you the power to make me feel
anything less
than
magical
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
she likes swing sets too - July 25, 2001
something's turning in my heart. nate just left. i can feel his
fingertips tugging, trying to pull love out of friendship. i can feel him breaking. i want to brace him. i
want to cast his nightmares away. there's a lightning storm. it's so
strange without the rain. i wish i could tell him. i see it. the
miracle. the gold. the passion. it seems like their are so many
instances. moments that are almost perfect. almost. nate and i are
almost perfect. almost. i see in him so much and it's for someone else.
for i am poison. i already turned one good man bad. i'd be cheating him.
i know he deserves a lover, not a friend, and that's more then i could
give. he just doesn't know it yet. till then i can try to protect him.
and maybe he's poison for me somehow too, he smells like poison. he's
my friend and somehow his smell makes me want to nauseous to the very pit of my stomach.
then there are those rare precious beautiful moments. they stand still in my memory. they make my chest swell like the quake of thunder. suddenly aware of my heart beat and every intake of breath. perfect. my first jewel concert. the future was so certain. i could follow my dreams and they would feed me. i watched every fear fly away with the turning of the strobe on a glass ball. it was certain. it was a promise.
in 8th grade slow dancing in a dusty gym. he was such a dick to me. i was so weird, so ugly. but in the darkness when no one was looking. he loved me. he held me close and silently swore at a distorted social order. he pulled my lips to his ear and begged me to keep singing. and i was perfect. i knew every lyric and every note. i sang just so. my hot breath on his ear. we spun in a monotonous circle to the slow rhythm of desperado and he loved me.
She, there, in my sister's house hugged up to the corner of the threshold. watching my world. even in a maze of tickling and wrestling i couldn't hide my eyes. my adoration. sitting in a new day, sitting atop me eyes bright with memories. sharing her love, her dreams. so radiant. the way she lifts her head to greet my kiss.even my mom could see how much i adore her. My mom won't let herself understand. But i could see her search. how she watches my hands. i'm not scared anymore. i was afraid i'd put her away, like angie, make her a pleasure's paradise. i watch my hands. they will never hurt her like that. i know now. what i've touched, where i've trespassed. i understand the gift. she likes swing sets too. that look. that frightens and excites all at once. a glimpse into knowing her power. till she pulls it back. till she cloaks it, again. i can't believe she wants to see this. she likes being dragged down to my world. knowing i'd never ask her to decide. to choose. 'cause it wouldn't be me. i am working my way under her skin. she is moving into my dreams. as if. as if i could convince her. as if i could keep her. it's the hope creeping in. the underdog has too many disney movies, fuel for the forlorn.
somehow i will be drunk, alone, in new york. the rain will make me cry and i will open my face to the sky. rain drops on my lips and fingertips. and my body will ache with the memory of once knowing love.
she likes swing sets too.
then there are those rare precious beautiful moments. they stand still in my memory. they make my chest swell like the quake of thunder. suddenly aware of my heart beat and every intake of breath. perfect. my first jewel concert. the future was so certain. i could follow my dreams and they would feed me. i watched every fear fly away with the turning of the strobe on a glass ball. it was certain. it was a promise.
in 8th grade slow dancing in a dusty gym. he was such a dick to me. i was so weird, so ugly. but in the darkness when no one was looking. he loved me. he held me close and silently swore at a distorted social order. he pulled my lips to his ear and begged me to keep singing. and i was perfect. i knew every lyric and every note. i sang just so. my hot breath on his ear. we spun in a monotonous circle to the slow rhythm of desperado and he loved me.
She, there, in my sister's house hugged up to the corner of the threshold. watching my world. even in a maze of tickling and wrestling i couldn't hide my eyes. my adoration. sitting in a new day, sitting atop me eyes bright with memories. sharing her love, her dreams. so radiant. the way she lifts her head to greet my kiss.even my mom could see how much i adore her. My mom won't let herself understand. But i could see her search. how she watches my hands. i'm not scared anymore. i was afraid i'd put her away, like angie, make her a pleasure's paradise. i watch my hands. they will never hurt her like that. i know now. what i've touched, where i've trespassed. i understand the gift. she likes swing sets too. that look. that frightens and excites all at once. a glimpse into knowing her power. till she pulls it back. till she cloaks it, again. i can't believe she wants to see this. she likes being dragged down to my world. knowing i'd never ask her to decide. to choose. 'cause it wouldn't be me. i am working my way under her skin. she is moving into my dreams. as if. as if i could convince her. as if i could keep her. it's the hope creeping in. the underdog has too many disney movies, fuel for the forlorn.
somehow i will be drunk, alone, in new york. the rain will make me cry and i will open my face to the sky. rain drops on my lips and fingertips. and my body will ache with the memory of once knowing love.
she likes swing sets too.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Shovels
9-3-13
my words are shovels
not bricks or mortar
not building bridges or stairs
only digging holes I never intended
deeper and deeper I go
words be rope
No
Wrong
lips move
intention misunderstood
deeper I go
my words are shovels
not bricks or mortar
not building bridges or stairs
only digging holes I never intended
deeper and deeper I go
words be rope
No
Wrong
lips move
intention misunderstood
deeper I go
I used to be
I used to be
I listened to Sarah McLachlan for 3 years straight. Only her, only her albums. I’m not sure how my roommates got through it. They must have really cared for me deep down. That music was like having my insides outside. Like having dark crimson velvet all over. I would sit and listen to her voice with the candles lit and I would revel in sadness and chocolate. And wine. I would write poems of longing and emptiness. Now look at you. You’ve got me writing love poems.
If I could go back
I would wrap that college lush up and tell her that true love does exist. But not like Disney love. Thank the gods. And that she didn’t have to choose, she didn’t have to decide which she was more attracted too or which group she belonged to. That the groups of Lesbians telling her to hate all men and the groups of Straights telling her that she could never be one of them if she checked out that chick’s ass. That it was okay to just love, to just be and to appreciate both was totally - completely - fine. Maybe she would have drank less. Maybe she would have hurt less. Maybe she would have had comfort knowing that someday she’d find two people that were gorgeous inside and out - outside and in.
Now
Now I find myself in a world that would have scared the hell out of me then. I never wanted to live in a rural area. I never wanted to have kids. I never wanted to be “domesticated”. Ever. I never wanted to have boys. I was so scared of everything, always. Scared of fucking them up. Scared of scaring them for life with my own bloody stapled wounds unraveling on them. Scared of being with someone for so long that I would surely disappoint them.
But I’m not
Scared.
Anymore. Of anything - really.
And all those things that I couldn’t imagine ever working out - have. And all those wounds that I thought were deep and endless. Really aren’t. I have learned only one thing. The only one thing I ever needed to know.
That everything that is broken
can heal
Including me.
Look at you. You’ve got me writing love poems.
~ Vday-2010
I listened to Sarah McLachlan for 3 years straight. Only her, only her albums. I’m not sure how my roommates got through it. They must have really cared for me deep down. That music was like having my insides outside. Like having dark crimson velvet all over. I would sit and listen to her voice with the candles lit and I would revel in sadness and chocolate. And wine. I would write poems of longing and emptiness. Now look at you. You’ve got me writing love poems.
If I could go back
I would wrap that college lush up and tell her that true love does exist. But not like Disney love. Thank the gods. And that she didn’t have to choose, she didn’t have to decide which she was more attracted too or which group she belonged to. That the groups of Lesbians telling her to hate all men and the groups of Straights telling her that she could never be one of them if she checked out that chick’s ass. That it was okay to just love, to just be and to appreciate both was totally - completely - fine. Maybe she would have drank less. Maybe she would have hurt less. Maybe she would have had comfort knowing that someday she’d find two people that were gorgeous inside and out - outside and in.
Now
Now I find myself in a world that would have scared the hell out of me then. I never wanted to live in a rural area. I never wanted to have kids. I never wanted to be “domesticated”. Ever. I never wanted to have boys. I was so scared of everything, always. Scared of fucking them up. Scared of scaring them for life with my own bloody stapled wounds unraveling on them. Scared of being with someone for so long that I would surely disappoint them.
But I’m not
Scared.
Anymore. Of anything - really.
And all those things that I couldn’t imagine ever working out - have. And all those wounds that I thought were deep and endless. Really aren’t. I have learned only one thing. The only one thing I ever needed to know.
That everything that is broken
can heal
Including me.
Look at you. You’ve got me writing love poems.
~ Vday-2010
The L Word - Spec script Season One Ep 8-ish
(the script format doesn't translate so well to blog but you get the idea written circa 2005)
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - EVENING
TINA is preparing dinner. She hears the front door open and slam shut followed by the harsh landing of a briefcase. She gives the Alfredo sauce another stir and heads for the living
room.
Tina wraps her arms around BETTE. She sinks and fights to keep tears back.
TINA
Baby, what is it?
Bette bites her lip and shakes her head. She pulls Tina tighter.
BETTE
I... I don’t want to talk about it.
I just need you to...
Tina loosens her grip to see Bette’s face.
BETTE (CONT’D)
Never mind.
TINA
You’re sick of the flannel pajama's
aren’t you?
Bette cracks a smile that gives way to tears.
TINA (CONT’D)
I remember when my jokes used to
make you laugh. Baby, what do you
need?
Bette pulls her close, her resolve strengthens as she whispers in her ear.
BETTE
Fuck me... I’m so numb right now. I
want you to rip me apart, I need
you to make me feel again.
Tina kisses her cheeks gently then pulls back. A wicked grin crosses Tina’s lips.
She attacks Bette’s neck peppering it with light kisses and nibbles. She rips Bette’s suit jacket off and pushes her against a near by wall. Kissing her, letting her tongue run the gamut of Bette’s mouth.
She tears Bette’s pants off, knowing all good fucks drop the politeness of foreplay. They stand face to face, a gasp of need escapes Bette’s lips.
SOUND BRIDGE: BETTE AND TINA’S GROANS OF ECSTASY
INT. DANA FAIRBANKS’ HOME - SAME
DANA, ALICE and SHANE sit on the couch watching her television with open mouths.
ALICE
Holy crap, Shane you’re right. That
is hot. I could listen to this for
hours.
A women’s tennis match plays out before them, the surround sound speakers articulate each powerful groan.
SHANE
(to Dana)
Do you sound like that in bed too?
Dana throws a pillow at her.
DANA
Come on, we have reservations.
SHANE
Not from what I hear.
DANA
For dinner.
INT. THE PLANET - LATER
The cafe is fairly empty, waiting for a later swell of customers. MARINA pours a martini for a visibly intoxicated man, DAN, in a nice suit.
DAN
Could you turn the TV to channel
five?
Another worker, MARK, complies. A typical five o’clock news show fills the screen.
DAN (CONT’D)
That’s my show, I direct it.
MARINA
Don’t you have to be in the same
room to direct?
DAN
I do the ten o’clock. It’s my
birthday today. You know what my
girlfriend got me? A lousy cake.
MARINA
This is your last martini.
DAN
This is my first martini.
MARINA
You’ve obviously had a head start
birthday boy.
DAN
(indicating the news
anchor)
That’s my girlfriend.
He holds the glass up to her image on the screen.
DAN (CONT’D)
A lousy cake. We’ve been together
for two months and we’ve only had
sex twice. Sixty one days and no
sixty nines.
MARINA
Sounds like she does a lot of work
beneath you.
DAN
Twice, and it wasn’t that good. You
know what I think?
MARINA
I bet you’ll tell me.
DAN
(whispering)
I think she’s a lesbian.
MARINA
She’s had sex with her boss twice
and that’s the only reasonable
explanation you could think of.
Marina eyes the television, taking in the news anchor’s beauty.
DAN
How do you test for that? It’s not
like our stories. Can’t research
it.
(thumbing his car keys)
It’s not like a car, you can’t pop
it open and look at the engine.
MARINA
I’ll check.
DAN
What?
Marina takes his keys from his hands and gives him the card for a local cab company.
MARINA
Bring her by here and I’ll take a
look under the hood.
EXT. ROAD - LATER
The hood of Dana’s car slips out of her hands and slams shut.
DANA
Damnit! Alice will you pull it
again?
Shane and Alice are inside the vehicle, the hazards flash a warning to rubberneckers everywhere.
Alice pops the hood and Dana pulls it up, propping it properly.
INT. DANA’S CAR - SAME
Shane pulls out her cell phone and presses the side button for voice recognition.
SHANE
(into phone)
Another satisfied customer.
ALICE
I don’t want to know what my number
is saved under.
SHANE
Murkin.
ALICE
What?
Shane puts her finger up to shush Alice.
SHANE
(into phone)
Hi...
EXT. ROAD - SAME
Alice gets out, she and Dana stare at the engine, bewildered.
ALICE
Now what?
Dana pulls out the dipstick, looks at it then puts it back
in.
ALICE (CONT’D)
That was helpful.
Shane steps out of the car as she closes her phone.
SHANE
Don’t worry ladies, help is on the
way.
INT. CAB - LATER
JENNY SCHECTER shoves cash into the cab driver’s expectant hand and jumps out of the car.
EXT. THE PLANET - MOMENTS LATER
Jenny storms up the pathway.
INT. THE PLANET - MOMENTS LATER
Jenny sees Marina standing beside a table chatting with some customers.
JENNY
You really fucked me good!
MARINA
(to customers)
If you’ll excuse me.
She grabs Jenny by her arm and drags her to her office.
MARINA (CONT’D)
Don’t you ever...
JENNY
(mocking her accent)
‘I opened up a whole new world for
you.’ Well, you were right. I now
live in a world with no future, no
home and no love. All for some bad
head.
MARINA
You just said I fucked you good.
JENNY
Fucked me over.
MARINA
And over...
Jenny thrusts toward her, going for blood. Marina grabs her skinny little arms and holds them at bay.
MARINA (CONT’D)
I don’t have time for this. You
made a choice and you suffer the
consequences. Now get out.
JENNY
You made a choice, too. And what
consequences do you have? None.
Jenny sits down like an anchor in the chair.
JENNY (CONT’D)
(continuing)
You should have to share in the
responsibility.
MARINA
What did you come here for?
JENNY
I need a job, one that pays more
than minimum. And I’m not leaving
here till I get one. You owe me,
Marina.
Marina walks out of the office slamming the door behind her. Jenny slides down in the chair letting her head hit the wall behind her.
JENNY (CONT’D)
Fuck me.
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - LATER
Bette’s head slams into the wall behind her, she comes and they slide down the wall as her body weakens. Tina loosens Bette’s tie. She rips open Bette’s shirt, unclasps her bra, and lets her mouth envelop her breast.
She pushes harder and harder, till her teeth dig into Bette’s flesh. Bette’s body jerks up, Tina pins her down, her hot breath on Bette’s ear.
Tina lets her nails scratch down Bette’s arched back, her fingers continuing down, consuming her ribs to her hips. Tina’s head disappears. Her mouth and hands weaving inside Bette.
INT. BLUEZ BAR - SAME
KIT PORTER
Ummmm, that is some good coffee.
She puts the cup down. Across from her sits a man in his
early seventies, MR. ALEX JONES.
MR. JONES
I listened to your demo tape. I
liked it. I think it’d fit the
atmosphere we try to create here.
KIT
But...
MR. JONES
But, your reputation proceeds you,
Kit.
KIT
And it’s not a good one.
MR. JONES
It’s good but it’s not consistent.
KIT
I’ve messed up a lot of things in
my life, Mr. Jones. And I must
admit, I’m scared of working in a
place where I’d be surrounded by
temptation. But there is an up side
to me, to this situation. All my
energy, everything that I put into
destroying my liver and my life,
it’s refocused now and it’s coming
out in my music.
I’ve never written so many songs in
my life. All that stuff on the demo
is new and it’s better than
anything I’ve ever done before.
MR. JONES
Here’s the deal Kit, I’ll give you
Monday nights six to eight. No
cover, you get ten percent of the
sales.
KIT
Ten percent on a Monday night,
that’s like working for free.
MR. JONES
And one more thing, you come in
wasted, you come in ten seconds
late, you come in unprepared and
you never come again.
KIT
That puts more then my reputation
on the line.
EXT. THE PLANET - LATER
Marina shoves her drunken customer into a waiting cab. Dan pokes his head out just before she shuts the door.
DAN
(offering his hand)
It’s a deal.
MARINA
What is?
DAN
I’ll get my girlfriend to come by.
She’s really hot.
Marina shakes his hand, tosses his car keys inside, and closes the door.
EXT. ROAD - LATER
JAEDEN HUTCH, a twentysomething tow truck driver, shuts her door and walks over to the stranded threesome. She is medium in height with doe eyes. Her short brown hair accentuates her neckline and compliments her cheekbones. She reaches into her stained denim work suit and pulls out a pack of Camel lights.
JAEDEN
You guys look like you need these.
She offers the pack, Shane and Alice take one.
DANA
(shaking her head)
I express my oral fixation in other
ways.
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - SAME
Bette’s body writhing, her lips cursing, her feet clenched to Tina’s ribs. Their rhythm cascades.
Bette fights to hold onto control, trying to stay calm, her breath held, escaping in short bursts. Wanting it to stop, needing it to continue. The ecstasy of giving in.
Their slick bodies intertwined, smoke begins to smolder into the entryway. Bette arches up, bursting as the SMOKE ALARM erupts its fiery warning.
INT. THE PLANET - SAME
A SMOKE ALARM wails from the back. Marina runs toward the origin, her office.
INT. THE PLANET - OFFICE - SAME
Marina bursts through the door and grabs Jenny off the desk, throwing her down to the ground and slapping a lighter out of Jenny’s hand.
They wrestle on the floor, Marina easily overcomes Jenny, pinning her petite frame to the floor.
MARINA
This is a familiar position.
Jenny’s struggle renews, Marina continues to hold her down till Jenny’s futile fight finally dissipates.
MARINA (CONT’D)
You start tomorrow.
Marina climbs off of her. Jenny stands up and brushes herself off in an attempt to regain her dignity, then walks out the door.
EXT. THE PLANET - MOMENTS LATER
Marina follows Jenny outside.
MARINA
One o’clock, bring a piece of your
work to read. It’s time you start
acting like a writer. And Jenny,
wear something you can get dirty.
JENNY
(under her breath)
Cunt.
INT. HUTCH’S AUTOBODY - LATER
Shane, Alice and Dana stand beside Dana’s car.
SHANE
All I’m saying is I’m tired of my
genitalia being used as an insult.
ALICE
You don’t think she should fight
for Lara?
SHANE
I think she should drop down on her
knees and beg for Lara but why’d
you have to call her a “pussy” for
not having the “balls” to beg?
ALICE
It’s just an expression.
Jaeden rolls out from under the car. She unbuttons the top part of her work suit, revealing a white wife-beater and a decent rack. She rolls the work suit down, tying it around
her waist with the sleeves.
DANA
Pussy should be used to describe
warmth, ease, pleasantries...
Jaeden approaches the three, a sweaty, grimy, tattooed taste of masculine and feminine.
SHANE
Jaeden, thank you for helping us
with the car. You made it really
pussy.
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - KITCHEN - LATER
Bette is now in Tina’s apron, they are standing next to the sink, the metal pots containing a burnt dinner still steaming as water rushes over them.
BETTE
Sorry I ruined dinner.
TINA
I’m usually the one apologizing for
the burnt dinner. It’s a nice
change.
Tina kisses her gently.
BETTE
Thank you.
TINA
Anything for my little love buffet.
BETTE
What was this before it turned to
ash?
TINA
I was boiling the water for noodles
in this one, and a creamy white
sauce in this one.
BETTE
Speaking of creamy...
Bette tugs at Tina’s flannels.
TINA
I think we worked up a different
sort of appetite as well.
BETTE
How’s Thai sound?
TINA
Nauseating.
BETTE
That seems to be the theme lately.
You were making Italian, still in
the mood for that?
TINA
Remember that little Chicago style
pizzeria? The stuffed ones.
BETTE
How could I forget you sent me
across town two nights ago.
TINA
I’m sorry baby, it’s just, food has
a whole different complexity. The
smells, the sounds, the textures
they bite back.
BETTE
Okay, let’s see if they deliver.
TINA
They don’t, that’s why you had to
go out there before.
BETTE
Everyone has a price.
Bette grabs the phone and dials. Tina traces the lacy shoulder of Bette’s apron.
TINA
This apron has never looked better.
Tina leaves the kitchen.
BETTE
(into phone)
Yes, I’d like a large vegetarian
pizza, no onions. I know you don’t
deliver under normal circumstances.
Could you ask if someone there
would like an extra, say fifty
dollars to shoot out to the
Westside... Yes, Oliver, your
shift’s just ending, how
convenient. Sure, seventy five is
fine. Can you take a check?
Tina returns with a camera and shoots off a couple rounds before Bette hangs the phone up and snatches the camera from her hands. Bette grabs Tina and kisses her, holding the camera at arms length snapping pics with one hand. The kissing becomes more intense.
TINA
(pushing Bette onto the
sofa)
I’m not done with you yet.
INT. RESTAURANT - EVENING
Dana, Alice, and Shane sit at a table together enjoying their desserts.
SHANE
That was really pussy of them to
push back our reservations.
DANA
It’s not going to catch on Shane,
it’s not as fun to say as cajones.
Alice savors a bite of crème brulee.
ALICE
This is pussy.
DANA
Don’t encourage her.
ALICE
No, really, it’s the closest thing
to it. Here try some.
Shane and Dana take a spoonful and revel in it.
SHANE
It’s got the right texture. But the
flavor varies from woman to woman.
I dated...
DANA
You dated someone?
SHANE
Let me rephrase, I did someone
repeatedly that tasted like
apricots.
ALICE
I wonder what I taste like?
DANA
Frappaccino.
SHANE
Is this a new development?
DANA
An educated guess, all she eats is
coffee and chocolate. You know what
they say, “You are what you eat.”
SHANE
Then wouldn’t that make me pussy?
DANA
I never thought I’d say this but
I've had enough pussy.
SHANE
I haven’t.
She reaches over and digs out another bite of crème brulee.
INT. BLUEZ BAR - LATER
Kit sits at a table alone, she nurses a water and keeps tempo with the music. An African American man in his late fifties, REUBEN, approaches her.
REUBEN
Can I buy you a drink?
KIT
I’m fine.
REUBEN
I can see that... I’m Reuben, will
you allow me the pleasure of your
company?
KIT
Hello Reuben, I’m Kit, have a seat.
REUBEN
Kit, like the car.
KIT
Huh?
REUBEN
I guess you weren’t a “Nightrider”
fan. Maybe your parents liked David
Hasselhoff.
KIT
No, my sister was the only one
watching Baywatch in our house.
What is a “Nightrider”?
REUBEN
It’s a show that was popular in the
eighties with Dave and a talking
car, pre-Baywatch.
KIT
Are you insinuating that my mother
named me after a talking car?
REUBEN
Hey, that’s not an insult. Kit was
a hot, black, curvaceous corvette.
From where I’m at you two have a
lot in common.
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - LATER
The door bell rings. Bette and Tina pop up from behind the couch. Bette is still in the apron, Tina is wearing Bette’s tie. They look at each other.
Bette gets up, realizing the apron covers more than the tie, and answers the door.
The Pizza man hands her the pizza, looking as nonchalant as he can. Bette takes the pizza and backs away from him, bumping into the table behind her. She puts the pizza down and does her best to pick her purse off the ground without exposing her assets. She hands him the check.
BETTE
Thank you.
PIZZA MAN
You are very welcome.
Tina starts laughing, Bette looks at Tina, smiling, and inadvertently shows the Pizza man some ass before hastily shutting the door.
INT. RESTAURANT - LATER
The girls are savoring their after-dinner drinks.
DANA
How do you know Jaeden?
ALICE
And how, pray tell, did you satisfy
that customer?
FLASHBACK - INT. SHANE’S WORK - LAST WEEK
Jaeden, with long untamed hair, shuts the door to the Salon, she is following a well-bred women in a power suit, SUSAN SUGARBAKER. The action unfolds as Shane describes it.
SHANE (V.O.)
Jaeden saved my nine o’clock. Mrs.
Sugarbaker after she dinged up her
husband’s Mercedes.
Apparently the Misses messed it up
while visiting a liaison. The car
had to be perfect before her
husband returned for lunch. In an
act of appreciation slash mercy
Susan decides to bring Jaeden to
me. She paid Jaeden for the car
work and insisted that she do for
Jaeden what Jaeden did for the car.
I finished up with Susan. Sat
Jaeden in my chair and I sheered
her.
Jaeden’s badly kept hair falls to the ground in large chunks.
INT. RESTAURANT - EVENING
DANA
Some women look so much better with
short hair. Like Sarah McLachlan,
it really brings out their eyes.
ALICE
Why is your voice command for me
“murkin”?
Shane and Dana laugh.
DANA
Do you know what a “murkin” is?
ALICE
Since when were you hip to the
lingo?
SHANE
(to Dana)
It was after she and Tina gave you
the “bush confidence” speech.
Alice looks at Dana, hard, tired of being left out.
DANA
A murkin, well, it’s the toupee of
bush.
Alice is still bewildered.
SHANE
If say, you’re bald down there.
It’s a bush toupee.
ALICE
But who’s bald down there besides
prepubescents?
SHANE
Who’s to say. Some people just
don’t grow hair in certain places.
DANA
Like Whoopi Goldberg; no hair on
her eyebrows.
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - BEDROOM - LATER
Bette enters and finds Tina in front of their mirror eyeing her belly.
TINA
Do you think, as I get bigger, that
you’ll still find me attractive?
Bette fingers the tie and slowly unknots it. She traces
Tina’s body with the silk tips.
BETTE
Attraction is more than faces and
bodies, more than chemicals and
firing synapses, more than smell,
taste and tight abs. It’s your
smile, the sound of your laugh, the
softness of your touch, your light,
your mind, your spirit.
TINA
But I’m going to be fat, and
swollen, and cranky, and this woman
told me today that... That her
nipples would shoot out milk every
time her baby cried! They don’t
tell you those things in the books.
BETTE
It’s not fat for fat’s sake. It’s
creation. It’s our child that you
are sculpting. You know how, before
a big show, you and I walk the
floor of the C.A.C.
TINA
You put your hand on the small of
my back and guide me through your
work.
BETTE
I show you what I did and why, the
placement of every light and every
picture. And you love it. Why do
you think that is?
TINA
Because it’s you. It’s your hands,
your mind, your passion coming into
physical form. The way your mind
works is so different from mine. I
love that.
Bette strikes a match and lights a candle near by.
BETTE
Now, it’s your turn. Show me, tell
me how your body is changing, tell
me how it feels. Take me on a
guided tour.
Tina takes Bette’s hand and places her fingers on her hip bone then guides them across the circumference of her belly.
TINA
Everything is shifting inside me.
Like my organs are packing
themselves into smaller containers
to make room for a swarm of
butterflies. It’s nauseating, and
exhilarating and I have to pee all
the time. I think my bladder is the
baby’s Laz-E-boy.
INT. BLUEZ BAR - LATER
Reuben’s chair is a little closer.
KIT
Can I get you another? What are you
having?
REUBEN
I’m having a club soda on the
rocks.
KIT
Really? I thought you were laughing
at my jokes ‘cause you were
trashed.
Reuben takes a long last drink, weighing his next words.
REUBEN
I don’t drink, anymore. I’m a
recovering alcoholic.
KIT
Reuben, you are indeed, a treasure.
I’m right there with you.
REUBEN
I thought we might have more in
common when I saw you devouring
coffee instead of gin.
KIT
That was my drink, gin!
REUBEN
I’ve got a good eye for that. You
can learn a lot about a person by
what they drink.
KIT
So, Reuben, how long have you been
successful?
REUBEN
I walked the line, for a long time.
Sober for months and then life
would bitch slap me and I’d fall
hard. One night, I had an epiphany.
I was treating alcohol like it was
the cause of all my problems. I
realized, that it was the effect of
my problems. Things went bad, I
went numb. I treated the alcohol
like a thorn on a weed. Now, I’m
pulling out the root instead of
hacking at the weed and watching it
regrow.
KIT
I know we just met, you don’t have
to answer this but, what was the
root?
REUBEN
It’s different for everyone. For
me, I didn’t believe. This is going
to sound new agey and shit but I
didn’t believe in my own worth. I
am a wealthy man, Kit. I did
everything to prove to everyone
that I had worth. They all believed it, but I didn’t.
With liquor, well, it was liquid
confidence.
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - LATER
Tina lays on her stomach, naked. Bette straddles her in a bra and panties. Bette gently glides her hair down the length of Tina’s back followed by her hands.
TINA
You ready to talk about your shitty
day?
Bette pours some massage oil onto her back. Tina arches in response to the cold sensation. Bette puts her finger in the oil and traces Tina’s spine, causing Tina’s arch to tighten. Bette gathers the oil to her finger tips and spreads it across Tina’s back with generous strokes.
BETTE
I just can’t please that asshole.
TINA
Which asshole?
BETTE
Today’s asshole is Prantz. From the
Board of Directors. You remember
him?
TINA
Yeah, what’d he do?
BETTE
It’s not a specific thing, it’s an
attitude. It’s the constant trying
to read his mind and failing
miserably. Nothing is ever good
enough.
TINA
Sounds like another asshole.
BETTE
Not everything is about my dad,
Tina. And don’t call him an
asshole.
TINA
Everything you’ve ever done in your
life has been centered around
pleasing your father. You and Prantz got along great,
until your father didn’t approve of
this baby. Maybe Prantz has become
a substitute father figure.
Bette digs deeply into Tina’s muscles. She studies the
contours thoughtfully.
TINA (CONT’D)
Can you tell me of any time prior
to the D.D. that you had this
strong of a reaction to Mr. Prantz?
BETTE
D.D.?
TINA
The Daddy Diss.
BETTE
You need to get out of the house
more, Cookie Monster.
TINA
I would love some of those frosted
animal crackers with the sprinkles
or cookie dough ice cream... You’re
trying to distract the pregnant
woman by bringing up cookies. When
you change the subject, it means
I’m right.
BETTE
You’re right, Foxworthy. Prantz and
I have never fought like this
before. I guess, I asked for his
approval on some things. He
actually screamed at me for bugging
him with “insignificant details”.
He was just there to observe. Maybe
I deferred to him more than usual.
Bette pulls Tina’s arms down and massages her deltoids down to her fingers tips. She leans in and kisses Tina’s pulse point.
BETTE (CONT’D)
Before, I made decisions. I was
sure of them, I knew what I wanted.
And if I approved, I knew Prantz
and the rest of the Board would
approve.
Bette moves from Tina’s finger tips to her lower back and buttocks. Her hands move south till she has explored every inch of Tina’s legs. Bette kisses the inside of Tina’s knees and resumes her straddling position.
She takes her bra off and sets it on the bed. Bette leans into Tina’s ear. Tina’s eyes shoot open, feeling Bette’s breasts against her back.
BETTE (CONT’D)
So what you’re saying is that if I
do what pleases me, it will please
others.
Bette slides her body slowly down Tina’s back. Letting her breasts, hands, and lips encompass Tina. She kisses Tina’s lower back, rubbing her breasts against Tina’s butt causing Tina to arch once again. Bette slides up and begins from the top once more. Tina turns her head and kisses Bette. Her left hand clutches the pillow, her right hand encourages Bette to continue.
EXT. BLUEZ BAR - EVENING
Reuben and Kit exit the bar.
REUBEN
Can I walk you to your car?
KIT
I have a taxi coming.
Reuben turns to Kit and takes her hands into his.
REUBEN
Can I see you again?
KIT
I have a gig here on Monday. I
would love it if you would sit at
that same table and sip on your
club soda for me.
Kit lifts her lips to his and they kiss.
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - MORNING
Bette slowly pulls herself from Tina’s sleepy embrace. Tina halfheartedly opens her eyes.
TINA
It’s Saturday.
BETTE
I’m going to set things right.
TINA
Okay, but be back before the show.
BETTE
I won’t break tradition.
Bette kisses Tina’s eyebrow and heads for the bathroom.
INT. THE PLANET - AFTERNOON
Marina and Mark stand behind the bar.
MARK
Do you think that news anchor chick
will come by today?
MARINA
Her boss was pretty drunk, I doubt
he’ll remember.
MARK
How, exactly, do you check for
that?
MARINA
(shrugs)
I smile and see how she responds.
MARK
But what if she is gay and you’re
just not her type.
Jenny clears a nearby table.
MARINA
There are three smiles: One smile
says, “I think you’re hot.” You can
be straight, gay, or confused for
that one. The boldness of the smile
reveals if they’ve been with a
woman, yet. The second smile says
“I’m not interested but I am part
of the family.” The third smiles
says, “I’m straight. I’m looking at
your blouse not the boobs it
contains.”
Mark moves to help a customer, Jenny approaches the counter.
JENNY
How did you know I liked you?
MARINA
You kept looking at my mouth. Much
like you are now.
JENNY
I’m not tall enough to look you in
the eye.
Jenny storms off while Marina eyes Jenny and smiles to herself.
EXT. TENNIS COURTS - DAY
Dana sits on the bleachers watching a match unfold. She digs through her bag, reaching for her phone.
DANA
(on phone)
Damnit Alice, I can’t get it out of
my mind.
ALICE
I know, I keep trying to figure out
how they get the murkin thingy to
stick.
DANA
Not that, the noises...
(quieter)
The moaning, the tennis stuff.
Everywhere I go now, all I hear is
women groaning in ecstasy.
ALICE
You have that tournament today.
DANA
It’s torture. I have a huge match
tonight. If I can’t pull myself
together...
ALICE
Honey, here’s what you do. Take all
that angst, all that sexual
frustration and you put it into
your game. When’s your next match?
DANA
Later. What are you up to tonight?
INT. ALICE PIESZECKI’S HOME - SAME
Alice is sitting at her laptop
ALICE
Finishing up some writing. I should
be done soon. Where are you at?
EXT. TENNIS COURTS - SAME
DANA
I’m not telling, I don’t want you
to come. I’m too nervous as it is.
INT. ALICE PIESZECKI’S HOME - SAME
On Alice’s laptop is Dana’s tennis profile and a list of her upcoming matches.
ALICE
One of these days, you’re going to
have to let us see you live.
DANA
I know.
ALICE
Well, good luck sweety. Remember,
focus, use that tension and give it
to her.
EXT. TENNIS COURTS - SAME
Dana watches a game play out, a woman walks by.
DANA
(under her breath)
I’d like to give it to her.
Her neighbor, a man, looks at her and they give each other a
knowing smile.
ALICE
What?
DANA
Nothing. I’ll talk to you later.
INT. THE PLANET - DAY
The NEWS ANCHOR walks through the door. She takes a place at the bar and digs through her purse. She pulls out a card.
NEWS ANCHOR
(to Mark)
Excuse me. My boyfriend gave me
this, he said to show it to the
owner and she’d hook me up.
MARK
Let me get my boss.
Mark finds Marina. Jenny is clearing yet another table.
MARK (CONT’D)
Your two o’clock is here Dr.
Ferrer.
Marina approaches the new customer.
NEWS ANCHOR
He said you promised him a free
lunch.
MARINA
Yes, it’s good for a free lunch and
beverage. Can I start you out with
some coffee?
Marina smiles at the News Anchor. The News Anchor smiles back.
NEWS ANCHOR
I’d love a Mimosa.
Marina turns her back to her customer and signals to Mark a “three” with her fingers.
JENNY
(to Mark)
That means she’s straight?
MARK
Yep.
JENNY
But all she did was smile at her?
Jenny walks behind the counter and smiles at the News Anchor. She plays with her hair and tries to stand in a seductive manner. Marina places a tall glass in front of the News Anchor.
MARINA
Let me know when you are ready to
order.
(to Jenny)
Do you hear something?
JENNY
No.
MARINA
It’s a dirty table, Jennifer. Get
to it.
Jenny casts a glance back at the woman, then leaves.
NEWS ANCHOR
I’d like your number seven.
Marina writes down her order and passes it off.
MARINA
Your boss said you were a news
anchor. Do you do investigative
work or do you just read what’s
given to you?
NEWS ANCHOR
I’m trying to do both. I just
pitched an idea for a series of
stories about up and coming artists
and writers in the area.
Jenny, out of no where.
JENNY
I’m a writer!
NEWS ANCHOR
(to Jenny)
Really?
(to Marina)
I figured since there’s so much
stress on the movie industry here
that the other arts seemed to
disappear. I wanted to find them
again.
MARINA
Tonight we have an open mike poetry
session. You should stick around.
JENNY
I’ll be reading tonight.
MARINA
Back to work, solicit yourself on
your time, not mine.
Marina shoo’s her off.
MARINA (CONT’D)
I haven’t broken her in yet. Can I
get you another Mimosa?
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - EARLY EVENING
Tina sits in a big bubble bath alone. She looks at the clock. She blows some bubbles from her open hand.
The door cracks, Bette runs in naked and jumps into the bath.
TINA
Just in time.
Bette hands her a bag of Circus Animal cookies.
BETTE
I brought an offering of
repentance.
Tina scrunches her nose.
TINA
The texture of the sprinkles and
frosting sound gross now.
BETTE
Your stomach swings faster than
Rodriguez.
TINA
I’m sorry my stomach’s so hard to
please. Do you need me to fuck you
to disperse your sense of failure?
Tina props Bette’s ankle up on her shoulder. She puts shaving
cream over Bette’s exposed leg.
BETTE
This is by far my favorite
tradition.
Bette takes a drink from the champagne beside her and lets
her head rest on the wall. Tina proceeds to shave Bette’s
legs. Bette sinks a little further down into the bath tub.
BETTE (CONT’D)
Ow!
Tina stops shaving and looks up at Bette startled.
TINA
Did I cut you?
BETTE
Oh no baby, the soapy water on my
back. I forgot about your track
marks. It just stings a little.
Don’t stop.
Tina smiles and continues shaving Bette’s legs.
TINA
You’ve been saying that a lot
lately.
Bette bites into a cookie.
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
A boyish looking YOUNG MAN, late twenties, sits on the edge of a bed. He has short spiked hair, and no facial hair. His shirt is unbuttoned showing a hairless chest. His GIRLFRIEND
stands in front of him surveying her image in a full length mirror.
GIRLFRIEND
Honey, does this make me look fat?
The young man is frozen in panic, a deer in headlights.
YOUNG MAN
(his voice showing his
masculinity and age)
What?
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - SAME
BETTE
I said, does this make me look fat?
Tina enters the bedroom from the bathroom, she continues putting her earring on.
INT. APARTMENT - SAME
YOUNG MAN
No?
GIRLFRIEND
Honey, I need you to be honest with
me. How can I trust you if you
can’t even tell me the truth about
a simple dress.
The spider weaves her web. Her victim continues to stare at
the floor hoping for a way out.
YOUNG MAN
Do those shoes really go with that
outfit?
GIRLFRIEND
Don’t dodge, my shoes are fine.
Does this make me look fat?
The screen splits to show both couples.
YOUNG MAN
Yes.
TINA
Yes.
The Girlfriend glares at the Young Man then walks over to the
closet and jerks the hangers combing through them.
Tina walks to the closet and pulls out another outfit.
TINA
I absolutely love this on you.
BETTE
Thanks sweetie.
GIRLFRIEND
Thanks asshole.
EXT. SIDEWALK - LATER
Bette and Tina walk past a fountain that shoots out quick
spurts of water. Bette starts laughing.
TINA
What’s gotten into you?
BETTE
That’s what it’s going to be like.
(she points at the
fountain)
The baby will cry and your tits
will just...
The fountain bursts and Tina hits Bette playfully.
INT. BALLROOM - EVENING
Jaeden, sips on a martini and scans her fellow party goers.
She is wearing a tight black dress with a generous neckline.
An older gentleman, KARL, positions himself intimately behind
her.
KARL
I have fantasies about girls your
age.
JAEDEN
So do I.
She spots Shane and rushes to greet her along the edge of the
dancers.
SHANE
Who’s car did you have to fix to
get invited to this?
JAEDEN
I’ve done some work for the
producer. He told me the movie
sucked but the after party
wouldn’t.
SHANE
I’m glad to be your “plus one”.
They merge with the other dancers.
EXT. TENNIS COURTS - SAME
A flurry of tennis sights and sounds. Skirts swish, rackets
swing, muscles tighten and release.
ANNOUNCER
Thirty - Love.
INT. BALLROOM - LATER
The girls pony up to the bar, Karl moves to stand next to
Shane as Jaeden orders drinks.
KARL
If you ever need a deep...
SHANE
I’d rather have gasoline poured on
me.
Another man, the producer ELIJAH WALKER, pushes his way
between Karl and Shane.
ELIJAH
Just because it’s your fantasy,
doesn’t mean it’s theirs, Karl. Now
go find your banshee of a wife, I’m
sure you’ve had enough to make even
her attractive.
Karl leaves as Jaeden turns with the drinks in hand. She
gives one to Shane and smiles at Elijah.
JAEDEN
Elijah Walker, this is Shane
McCutcheon.
With her free hand Jaeden pulls the edge of her skirt up
showing money stashed securely in her thigh highs.
ELIJAH
Nice to meet you, Shane.
(to the bartender)
Put those on my tab.
SHANE
Do you have a gun stashed on the
other side?
Jaeden pulls her dress back down.
JAEDEN
If I were packing I wouldn’t be
able to walk straight.
ELIJAH
Straight is such a hard line to
walk.
They all drink to that.
ELIJAH (CONT’D)
Jaeden, you clean up nicely. I
can’t decide if you’re hotter in
the wife-beater or the dress. I
love your hair.
JAEDEN
You should thank Shane for that,
she sheered me.
Shane holds up her glass.
SHANE
(toasting)
To Tinkerbell, my first crush and
inspiration for Jaeden’s shorn
tresses.
They toast again.
JAEDEN
(To Elijah)
Certainly got the fairy dust on
you. I was into Jessica Rabbit.
ELIJAH
My vote goes to the Little Mermaid.
SHANE
I always wondered how those sea
shells stayed put.
JAEDEN
But she’s only sixteen.
SHANE
And you’ve got to wonder if, well,
it’s fish going in, is it fish
coming out?
ELIJAH
Can you imagine going down on
Tinkerbell? You’d be sneezing the
whole time.
JAEDEN
Plus she’s about this big.
Jaeden holds her fingers apart to show the height of about
two inches.
Across the Ballroom, Karl watches the two girls. His wife
approaches him.
WIFE
There may be hope for you yet,
Karl, looks like they’re talking
about you right now.
EXT. TENNIS COURTS - EVENING
Dana is poised and ready for her opponent’s serve. Steam
rises off her sweaty body and disperses into the night air.
The crowd is silent in anticipation.
With a large Ugghh, the serve is off. Dana cringes. The ball
speeds past her. Dana paces. Looks at her hands and readies
herself again.
Another serve. Dana moves, quickly, and in one motion puts
twenty five years of pent up tension into a backhand. The
ball flies past her opponent.
INT. BALLROOM - EVENING
JAEDEN
Just once I’d like the words “I’m a
lesbian“ to be a deterrent instead
of being greeted with “You can
bring your girlfriend.” It just
encourages them.
SHANE
Maybe they get a toaster, too.
ELIJAH
No, it needs to be more manly.
SHANE
Like a Foreman grill.
EXT. TENNIS COURTS - LATER
Dana slaps the ball across the court. It lands just inside
the outer line. Her opponent slows in defeat. Flashes and
cheers erupt. Alice, tucked out of Dana’s sight, joins the
crowd as they rise and clap. Dana calmly walks to the net and
greets her opponent a hearty hand shake. As Dana walks away
she gives herself to a broad smile.
INT. BALLROOM - LATER
SHANE
Then she says, “You know those
lesbians, they’re not just looking
for a girlfriend they’re looking to
double their wardrobe.”
Elijah, Shane, and Jaeden stand along the bar laughing.
ELIJAH
(to Shane)
I’ve been looking for someone like
you for my next project.
SHANE
Like me how?
ELIJAH
A funny lesbian.
SHANE
No, I will not host your daytime
talk show.
EXT. TENNIS COURTS - LATER
Dana walks away from a group of journalists. She pulls out
her phone and dials.
Alice is still in the bleachers. Her phone RINGS and she
answers it.
ALICE
I’m glad you thought of me. I’ll be
right there.
Dana gets into a chauffeured black sedan and closes her
phone.
INT. HOTEL - LATER
Dana pulls out her phone again and dials. Still in her tennis
skirt and sweaty shirt, she gets into a crowded elevator.
There is obviously a convention going on, everyone in the
elevator is dressed for business and has name tags on. Under
the elevator occupants conversations, a phone RINGS.
Dana listens intently, her ear pressed to the phone, waiting
for someone on the other end to pick up. The elevator door
opens and everyone, save one, exits.
The phone RING within the elevator becomes more pronounced
without the competition of conversation. Dana turns her head
in the direction of the RING. And there, in the corner, is
LARA.
DANA
You didn’t answer the first time.
LARA
Nope.
DANA
I won.
LARA
I know.
Dana closes her phone, Lara’s stops ringing. Dana looks
herself over self consciously.
DANA
I didn’t shower. I...
LARA
...was scared, now that you’re out
that they’d think you were looking.
DANA
Why are you...
LARA
(overlapping “you”)
You always get a room for
tournaments.
DANA
Deduction.
LARA
You played different tonight. With
such...
DANA
Confidence.
LARA
Passion.
The elevator stops at Dana’s floor. She pushes the hold
button then takes a step toward Lara. The elevator waits,
it’s doors open.
DANA
I’m sorr...
LARA
Don’t. I trust you even more now.
Knowing you did what you did for
you. Not me.
DANA
I know what I want now. I’m ready
to take it.
She drops her stuff and grabs Lara. They kiss. Softly,
tentative, reacquainting themselves. Dana takes Lara’s hand
in hers, she holds it against her breast plate, over her
heart.
DANA (CONT’D)
I didn’t appreciate you before.
That’s going to change.
They kiss again. Dana guides Lara’s free hand and places it
on her thigh. Leading her up the line of her well defined
muscles, under her tennis skirt, to the shelf of her butt.
Lara traces the edges of Dana’s panties as Dana presses Lara
into the back of the glass elevator.
INT. THE PLANET - EVENING
Alice sits next to Kit, the open mike hostess. She holds a
crumpled piece of paper between her two hands.
Jenny is still bussing tables. The News Anchor sits in a
chair, her Boyfriend/Boss Dan, sits next to her. They are
both intoxicated. When Jenny walks by, the News Anchor grabs
her.
NEWS ANCHOR
This is my boss... My boyfriend. I
mean he’s my boss, too.
(whispering loudly)
I mean, I didn’t sleep with him to
get the job. I...
JENNY
Don’t worry hun, you’re not the
only one here who’s slept with her
boss.
The News Anchor follows Jenny’s gaze and finds Marina behind
the bar with Mark.
NEWS ANCHOR
I’ve been meaning to ask where she
got that blouse.
MARK
(to Marina)
What is Alice doing here?
MARINA
I called her. She does more then
“best of” pieces.
INT. HOTEL - ELEVATOR - SAME
An older couple, late seventies, steps into the elevator. The
woman chokes back her alarm at the sight of Dana and Lara
making out.
Suddenly aware of their audience, Dana and Lara gather Dana’s
stuff. Dana smiles at the couple as she exits.
GENTLEMAN
You played awesome tonight.
DANA
(surprised)
Thank you.
WOMAN
Can we... Could we trouble you for
an autograph?
Lara stands in the door as Dana autographs a souvenir booklet
from the tournament.
GENTLEMAN
Thank you.
Dana exits and as the doors close behind them...
WOMAN
That was hot.
INT. THE PLANET - LATER
Kit continues to spin records. Alice is still seated beside
her.
KIT
I met this man the other night.
ALICE
Continue.
KIT
We talked all night. Not the chit
chat bullshit. But a conversation
with layers, and depth. It was
unreal. I had convinced myself that
feeling like that wasn’t possible.
And just when I had written it off,
he left a potted plant on my door
step. Here was this very real thing
making me face that, I wanted him
so bad, that instead of taking a
risk I made myself believe that it
wasn’t possible.
Kit takes the piece of paper out of Alice’s hands.
KIT(CONT’D)
You don’t need this. You’ve got it
memorized. What you need is to see
reality. You’re scared to make
yourself vulnerable. You’ve never
showed anyone this side. You’re
scared that they’ll reject it. And
the last thing you’ve got will be
gone. You’re scared to hope because
you want this so bad. What you need
to know is, it’s yours and they
can’t take it from you.
Alice squeezes Kit’s hand and steps up to the mike.
ALICE
I sit away from you to start the
game...
INT. BALLROOM - SAME
Jaeden and Shane are dancing, one song ends and another
begins at a slower pace. They move, casually, closer to each
other.
ALICE (V.O.) (CONT’D)
...and through the night we move
our bodies closer...
Jaeden turns her back to Shane. Shane places her hand on
Jaeden’s hip. Shane’s mouth grazes Jaeden’s neck, so soft
Jaeden feels her intention more then her lips.
ALICE (V.O.) (CONT’D)
...‘til warm breath on my neck
catches itself around my beating
heart. And I feel the heat of your
leg pressed to mine, cautious
touching. And I blink and look at
you and look away, warm wishes of
coming winding through my nervous
self...
INT. CALIFORNIA ART CENTER - SAME
The place is packed. Bette guides Tina through the gallery,
her hand on the small of Tina’s back.
ALICE (V.O.) (CONT’D)
And then always that first touch
when I grow sure you want me...
INT. DANA’S HOTEL ROOM - SAME
Dana’s hands grip the headboard, her long muscular back moves
to an escalating rhythm. Dana pulls up, suddenly, away from
the mouth below her. Lara grabs her hips and pulls Dana back
down. Dana’s fingers tighten, her mouth opens, her knuckles
whiten.
ALICE (V.O.) (CONT’D)
...and know that only the tick tock
of the anticipation clock separates
our swimming...
INT. THE PLANET - SAME
Alice, looking more confident with each word.
ALICE (V.O.) (CONT’D)
(continuing)
...in each other.
The late night crowd claps their approval.
JENNY
(to Mark)
Even her writing is ambiguous.
MARK
What do you mean?
JENNY
Her writing is genderless. That
could’ve been about anyone. She
must be a real five. Right smack
dab in the middle of the gaystraight
spectrum.
MARK
What are you?
JENNY
I’m confused. I don’t think they
have a number for that.
INT. BALLROOM - LATER
Shane and Jaeden watch as Karl approaches the boyish looking
Young Man and his Girlfriend, from before. She found a
different dress and there is obviously unresolved anger
between them.
Karl positions himself intimately behind the Young Man and
says something to his Girlfriend. The Young Man turns and
hits Karl in the stomach. Elijah rushes to help Karl.
KARL
(to Elijah)
I saw a heart shaped butt and no
facial hair. How was I supposed to
know it was a man and not a dyke?
The couple walks away.
YOUNG MAN
Do I have a girly butt?
His girlfriend relishes the insecurity role reversal.
GIRLFRIEND
Yeah.
They take a few more steps, the young man puts his arm around
his girlfriend.
YOUNG MAN
(laughing)
He thought you were a lesbian.
GIRLFRIEND
(playfully)
He thought you were one, too.
YOUNG MAN
Well, I guess that’s half true.
INT. THE PLANET - LATER
Dan stands and joins Marina at the bar. A few steps behind
him is his News Anchor Girlfriend.
DAN
So, what do you think?
MARINA
Your girlfriend is not a lesbian.
His girlfriend overhears this and steps into the
conversation.
NEWS ANCHOR
You sent me here ‘cause you thought
I was gay! You wouldn’t know a
lesbian if she was looking you
right in the face.
The News Anchor raises an eyebrow to Marina. Dan looks at his
girlfriend then Marina.
DAN
(to Marina)
You? No way.
MARINA
Maybe if you were more observant.
DAN
(to News Anchor)
But we’ve only had sex twice.
NEWS ANCHOR
Maybe if your doctor prescribed
more than five Viagra at a time...
Marina locks arms with Mark as he passes by.
MARK
Which begs the question, what’d he
do with the other three?
MARINA
Maybe he’s interviewing for a new
weather girl.
Marina joins Alice at a table along the edge of the
restaurant.
MARINA
(to Alice)
I forgot to ask you on the phone
how did Dana do?
ALICE
She rocked. She finally beat
Caprioti. I’ve never seen her play
like that before.
INT. CALIFORNIA ART CENTER - LATER
Tina stands before a painting, a glass of ice water in her
hand. Bette approaches Tina from behind, she wraps her arms
around Tina and lets her chin set on Tina’s shoulder.
BETTE
(whispering)
I’m falling in love with you all
over again.
Tina turns to face Bette, still contained in Bette’s embrace.
TINA
I love you, too.
EXT. THE PLANET - LATER
Mark and Jenny exit.
MARK
So what’s it like?
JENNY
It?
MARK
Being with a woman.
JENNY
Couldn’t I ask you the same thing?
MARK
I mean what’s the difference? You
know compare and contrast.
JENNY
That sounds like an essay question.
She walks past a rose bush and plucks a perfectly budded
rose.
JENNY (CONT’D)
It’s softer...
She takes his hand in hers and runs the rose down his inner
arm.
JENNY (CONT’D)
For you and I, this rose is soft.
But to the rose, even our softest
skin has got to be somewhat,
abrasive. But a petal, surrounded
by dozens of other satin soft
petals, caressing each other...
Well, it’s like that.
She pulls her hand back, breaking the spell.
MARK
Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense.
JENNY
Good night.
FADE OUT.
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - EVENING
TINA is preparing dinner. She hears the front door open and slam shut followed by the harsh landing of a briefcase. She gives the Alfredo sauce another stir and heads for the living
room.
Tina wraps her arms around BETTE. She sinks and fights to keep tears back.
TINA
Baby, what is it?
Bette bites her lip and shakes her head. She pulls Tina tighter.
BETTE
I... I don’t want to talk about it.
I just need you to...
Tina loosens her grip to see Bette’s face.
BETTE (CONT’D)
Never mind.
TINA
You’re sick of the flannel pajama's
aren’t you?
Bette cracks a smile that gives way to tears.
TINA (CONT’D)
I remember when my jokes used to
make you laugh. Baby, what do you
need?
Bette pulls her close, her resolve strengthens as she whispers in her ear.
BETTE
Fuck me... I’m so numb right now. I
want you to rip me apart, I need
you to make me feel again.
Tina kisses her cheeks gently then pulls back. A wicked grin crosses Tina’s lips.
She attacks Bette’s neck peppering it with light kisses and nibbles. She rips Bette’s suit jacket off and pushes her against a near by wall. Kissing her, letting her tongue run the gamut of Bette’s mouth.
She tears Bette’s pants off, knowing all good fucks drop the politeness of foreplay. They stand face to face, a gasp of need escapes Bette’s lips.
SOUND BRIDGE: BETTE AND TINA’S GROANS OF ECSTASY
INT. DANA FAIRBANKS’ HOME - SAME
DANA, ALICE and SHANE sit on the couch watching her television with open mouths.
ALICE
Holy crap, Shane you’re right. That
is hot. I could listen to this for
hours.
A women’s tennis match plays out before them, the surround sound speakers articulate each powerful groan.
SHANE
(to Dana)
Do you sound like that in bed too?
Dana throws a pillow at her.
DANA
Come on, we have reservations.
SHANE
Not from what I hear.
DANA
For dinner.
INT. THE PLANET - LATER
The cafe is fairly empty, waiting for a later swell of customers. MARINA pours a martini for a visibly intoxicated man, DAN, in a nice suit.
DAN
Could you turn the TV to channel
five?
Another worker, MARK, complies. A typical five o’clock news show fills the screen.
DAN (CONT’D)
That’s my show, I direct it.
MARINA
Don’t you have to be in the same
room to direct?
DAN
I do the ten o’clock. It’s my
birthday today. You know what my
girlfriend got me? A lousy cake.
MARINA
This is your last martini.
DAN
This is my first martini.
MARINA
You’ve obviously had a head start
birthday boy.
DAN
(indicating the news
anchor)
That’s my girlfriend.
He holds the glass up to her image on the screen.
DAN (CONT’D)
A lousy cake. We’ve been together
for two months and we’ve only had
sex twice. Sixty one days and no
sixty nines.
MARINA
Sounds like she does a lot of work
beneath you.
DAN
Twice, and it wasn’t that good. You
know what I think?
MARINA
I bet you’ll tell me.
DAN
(whispering)
I think she’s a lesbian.
MARINA
She’s had sex with her boss twice
and that’s the only reasonable
explanation you could think of.
Marina eyes the television, taking in the news anchor’s beauty.
DAN
How do you test for that? It’s not
like our stories. Can’t research
it.
(thumbing his car keys)
It’s not like a car, you can’t pop
it open and look at the engine.
MARINA
I’ll check.
DAN
What?
Marina takes his keys from his hands and gives him the card for a local cab company.
MARINA
Bring her by here and I’ll take a
look under the hood.
EXT. ROAD - LATER
The hood of Dana’s car slips out of her hands and slams shut.
DANA
Damnit! Alice will you pull it
again?
Shane and Alice are inside the vehicle, the hazards flash a warning to rubberneckers everywhere.
Alice pops the hood and Dana pulls it up, propping it properly.
INT. DANA’S CAR - SAME
Shane pulls out her cell phone and presses the side button for voice recognition.
SHANE
(into phone)
Another satisfied customer.
ALICE
I don’t want to know what my number
is saved under.
SHANE
Murkin.
ALICE
What?
Shane puts her finger up to shush Alice.
SHANE
(into phone)
Hi...
EXT. ROAD - SAME
Alice gets out, she and Dana stare at the engine, bewildered.
ALICE
Now what?
Dana pulls out the dipstick, looks at it then puts it back
in.
ALICE (CONT’D)
That was helpful.
Shane steps out of the car as she closes her phone.
SHANE
Don’t worry ladies, help is on the
way.
INT. CAB - LATER
JENNY SCHECTER shoves cash into the cab driver’s expectant hand and jumps out of the car.
EXT. THE PLANET - MOMENTS LATER
Jenny storms up the pathway.
INT. THE PLANET - MOMENTS LATER
Jenny sees Marina standing beside a table chatting with some customers.
JENNY
You really fucked me good!
MARINA
(to customers)
If you’ll excuse me.
She grabs Jenny by her arm and drags her to her office.
MARINA (CONT’D)
Don’t you ever...
JENNY
(mocking her accent)
‘I opened up a whole new world for
you.’ Well, you were right. I now
live in a world with no future, no
home and no love. All for some bad
head.
MARINA
You just said I fucked you good.
JENNY
Fucked me over.
MARINA
And over...
Jenny thrusts toward her, going for blood. Marina grabs her skinny little arms and holds them at bay.
MARINA (CONT’D)
I don’t have time for this. You
made a choice and you suffer the
consequences. Now get out.
JENNY
You made a choice, too. And what
consequences do you have? None.
Jenny sits down like an anchor in the chair.
JENNY (CONT’D)
(continuing)
You should have to share in the
responsibility.
MARINA
What did you come here for?
JENNY
I need a job, one that pays more
than minimum. And I’m not leaving
here till I get one. You owe me,
Marina.
Marina walks out of the office slamming the door behind her. Jenny slides down in the chair letting her head hit the wall behind her.
JENNY (CONT’D)
Fuck me.
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - LATER
Bette’s head slams into the wall behind her, she comes and they slide down the wall as her body weakens. Tina loosens Bette’s tie. She rips open Bette’s shirt, unclasps her bra, and lets her mouth envelop her breast.
She pushes harder and harder, till her teeth dig into Bette’s flesh. Bette’s body jerks up, Tina pins her down, her hot breath on Bette’s ear.
Tina lets her nails scratch down Bette’s arched back, her fingers continuing down, consuming her ribs to her hips. Tina’s head disappears. Her mouth and hands weaving inside Bette.
INT. BLUEZ BAR - SAME
KIT PORTER
Ummmm, that is some good coffee.
She puts the cup down. Across from her sits a man in his
early seventies, MR. ALEX JONES.
MR. JONES
I listened to your demo tape. I
liked it. I think it’d fit the
atmosphere we try to create here.
KIT
But...
MR. JONES
But, your reputation proceeds you,
Kit.
KIT
And it’s not a good one.
MR. JONES
It’s good but it’s not consistent.
KIT
I’ve messed up a lot of things in
my life, Mr. Jones. And I must
admit, I’m scared of working in a
place where I’d be surrounded by
temptation. But there is an up side
to me, to this situation. All my
energy, everything that I put into
destroying my liver and my life,
it’s refocused now and it’s coming
out in my music.
I’ve never written so many songs in
my life. All that stuff on the demo
is new and it’s better than
anything I’ve ever done before.
MR. JONES
Here’s the deal Kit, I’ll give you
Monday nights six to eight. No
cover, you get ten percent of the
sales.
KIT
Ten percent on a Monday night,
that’s like working for free.
MR. JONES
And one more thing, you come in
wasted, you come in ten seconds
late, you come in unprepared and
you never come again.
KIT
That puts more then my reputation
on the line.
EXT. THE PLANET - LATER
Marina shoves her drunken customer into a waiting cab. Dan pokes his head out just before she shuts the door.
DAN
(offering his hand)
It’s a deal.
MARINA
What is?
DAN
I’ll get my girlfriend to come by.
She’s really hot.
Marina shakes his hand, tosses his car keys inside, and closes the door.
EXT. ROAD - LATER
JAEDEN HUTCH, a twentysomething tow truck driver, shuts her door and walks over to the stranded threesome. She is medium in height with doe eyes. Her short brown hair accentuates her neckline and compliments her cheekbones. She reaches into her stained denim work suit and pulls out a pack of Camel lights.
JAEDEN
You guys look like you need these.
She offers the pack, Shane and Alice take one.
DANA
(shaking her head)
I express my oral fixation in other
ways.
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - SAME
Bette’s body writhing, her lips cursing, her feet clenched to Tina’s ribs. Their rhythm cascades.
Bette fights to hold onto control, trying to stay calm, her breath held, escaping in short bursts. Wanting it to stop, needing it to continue. The ecstasy of giving in.
Their slick bodies intertwined, smoke begins to smolder into the entryway. Bette arches up, bursting as the SMOKE ALARM erupts its fiery warning.
INT. THE PLANET - SAME
A SMOKE ALARM wails from the back. Marina runs toward the origin, her office.
INT. THE PLANET - OFFICE - SAME
Marina bursts through the door and grabs Jenny off the desk, throwing her down to the ground and slapping a lighter out of Jenny’s hand.
They wrestle on the floor, Marina easily overcomes Jenny, pinning her petite frame to the floor.
MARINA
This is a familiar position.
Jenny’s struggle renews, Marina continues to hold her down till Jenny’s futile fight finally dissipates.
MARINA (CONT’D)
You start tomorrow.
Marina climbs off of her. Jenny stands up and brushes herself off in an attempt to regain her dignity, then walks out the door.
EXT. THE PLANET - MOMENTS LATER
Marina follows Jenny outside.
MARINA
One o’clock, bring a piece of your
work to read. It’s time you start
acting like a writer. And Jenny,
wear something you can get dirty.
JENNY
(under her breath)
Cunt.
INT. HUTCH’S AUTOBODY - LATER
Shane, Alice and Dana stand beside Dana’s car.
SHANE
All I’m saying is I’m tired of my
genitalia being used as an insult.
ALICE
You don’t think she should fight
for Lara?
SHANE
I think she should drop down on her
knees and beg for Lara but why’d
you have to call her a “pussy” for
not having the “balls” to beg?
ALICE
It’s just an expression.
Jaeden rolls out from under the car. She unbuttons the top part of her work suit, revealing a white wife-beater and a decent rack. She rolls the work suit down, tying it around
her waist with the sleeves.
DANA
Pussy should be used to describe
warmth, ease, pleasantries...
Jaeden approaches the three, a sweaty, grimy, tattooed taste of masculine and feminine.
SHANE
Jaeden, thank you for helping us
with the car. You made it really
pussy.
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - KITCHEN - LATER
Bette is now in Tina’s apron, they are standing next to the sink, the metal pots containing a burnt dinner still steaming as water rushes over them.
BETTE
Sorry I ruined dinner.
TINA
I’m usually the one apologizing for
the burnt dinner. It’s a nice
change.
Tina kisses her gently.
BETTE
Thank you.
TINA
Anything for my little love buffet.
BETTE
What was this before it turned to
ash?
TINA
I was boiling the water for noodles
in this one, and a creamy white
sauce in this one.
BETTE
Speaking of creamy...
Bette tugs at Tina’s flannels.
TINA
I think we worked up a different
sort of appetite as well.
BETTE
How’s Thai sound?
TINA
Nauseating.
BETTE
That seems to be the theme lately.
You were making Italian, still in
the mood for that?
TINA
Remember that little Chicago style
pizzeria? The stuffed ones.
BETTE
How could I forget you sent me
across town two nights ago.
TINA
I’m sorry baby, it’s just, food has
a whole different complexity. The
smells, the sounds, the textures
they bite back.
BETTE
Okay, let’s see if they deliver.
TINA
They don’t, that’s why you had to
go out there before.
BETTE
Everyone has a price.
Bette grabs the phone and dials. Tina traces the lacy shoulder of Bette’s apron.
TINA
This apron has never looked better.
Tina leaves the kitchen.
BETTE
(into phone)
Yes, I’d like a large vegetarian
pizza, no onions. I know you don’t
deliver under normal circumstances.
Could you ask if someone there
would like an extra, say fifty
dollars to shoot out to the
Westside... Yes, Oliver, your
shift’s just ending, how
convenient. Sure, seventy five is
fine. Can you take a check?
Tina returns with a camera and shoots off a couple rounds before Bette hangs the phone up and snatches the camera from her hands. Bette grabs Tina and kisses her, holding the camera at arms length snapping pics with one hand. The kissing becomes more intense.
TINA
(pushing Bette onto the
sofa)
I’m not done with you yet.
INT. RESTAURANT - EVENING
Dana, Alice, and Shane sit at a table together enjoying their desserts.
SHANE
That was really pussy of them to
push back our reservations.
DANA
It’s not going to catch on Shane,
it’s not as fun to say as cajones.
Alice savors a bite of crème brulee.
ALICE
This is pussy.
DANA
Don’t encourage her.
ALICE
No, really, it’s the closest thing
to it. Here try some.
Shane and Dana take a spoonful and revel in it.
SHANE
It’s got the right texture. But the
flavor varies from woman to woman.
I dated...
DANA
You dated someone?
SHANE
Let me rephrase, I did someone
repeatedly that tasted like
apricots.
ALICE
I wonder what I taste like?
DANA
Frappaccino.
SHANE
Is this a new development?
DANA
An educated guess, all she eats is
coffee and chocolate. You know what
they say, “You are what you eat.”
SHANE
Then wouldn’t that make me pussy?
DANA
I never thought I’d say this but
I've had enough pussy.
SHANE
I haven’t.
She reaches over and digs out another bite of crème brulee.
INT. BLUEZ BAR - LATER
Kit sits at a table alone, she nurses a water and keeps tempo with the music. An African American man in his late fifties, REUBEN, approaches her.
REUBEN
Can I buy you a drink?
KIT
I’m fine.
REUBEN
I can see that... I’m Reuben, will
you allow me the pleasure of your
company?
KIT
Hello Reuben, I’m Kit, have a seat.
REUBEN
Kit, like the car.
KIT
Huh?
REUBEN
I guess you weren’t a “Nightrider”
fan. Maybe your parents liked David
Hasselhoff.
KIT
No, my sister was the only one
watching Baywatch in our house.
What is a “Nightrider”?
REUBEN
It’s a show that was popular in the
eighties with Dave and a talking
car, pre-Baywatch.
KIT
Are you insinuating that my mother
named me after a talking car?
REUBEN
Hey, that’s not an insult. Kit was
a hot, black, curvaceous corvette.
From where I’m at you two have a
lot in common.
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - LATER
The door bell rings. Bette and Tina pop up from behind the couch. Bette is still in the apron, Tina is wearing Bette’s tie. They look at each other.
Bette gets up, realizing the apron covers more than the tie, and answers the door.
The Pizza man hands her the pizza, looking as nonchalant as he can. Bette takes the pizza and backs away from him, bumping into the table behind her. She puts the pizza down and does her best to pick her purse off the ground without exposing her assets. She hands him the check.
BETTE
Thank you.
PIZZA MAN
You are very welcome.
Tina starts laughing, Bette looks at Tina, smiling, and inadvertently shows the Pizza man some ass before hastily shutting the door.
INT. RESTAURANT - LATER
The girls are savoring their after-dinner drinks.
DANA
How do you know Jaeden?
ALICE
And how, pray tell, did you satisfy
that customer?
FLASHBACK - INT. SHANE’S WORK - LAST WEEK
Jaeden, with long untamed hair, shuts the door to the Salon, she is following a well-bred women in a power suit, SUSAN SUGARBAKER. The action unfolds as Shane describes it.
SHANE (V.O.)
Jaeden saved my nine o’clock. Mrs.
Sugarbaker after she dinged up her
husband’s Mercedes.
Apparently the Misses messed it up
while visiting a liaison. The car
had to be perfect before her
husband returned for lunch. In an
act of appreciation slash mercy
Susan decides to bring Jaeden to
me. She paid Jaeden for the car
work and insisted that she do for
Jaeden what Jaeden did for the car.
I finished up with Susan. Sat
Jaeden in my chair and I sheered
her.
Jaeden’s badly kept hair falls to the ground in large chunks.
INT. RESTAURANT - EVENING
DANA
Some women look so much better with
short hair. Like Sarah McLachlan,
it really brings out their eyes.
ALICE
Why is your voice command for me
“murkin”?
Shane and Dana laugh.
DANA
Do you know what a “murkin” is?
ALICE
Since when were you hip to the
lingo?
SHANE
(to Dana)
It was after she and Tina gave you
the “bush confidence” speech.
Alice looks at Dana, hard, tired of being left out.
DANA
A murkin, well, it’s the toupee of
bush.
Alice is still bewildered.
SHANE
If say, you’re bald down there.
It’s a bush toupee.
ALICE
But who’s bald down there besides
prepubescents?
SHANE
Who’s to say. Some people just
don’t grow hair in certain places.
DANA
Like Whoopi Goldberg; no hair on
her eyebrows.
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - BEDROOM - LATER
Bette enters and finds Tina in front of their mirror eyeing her belly.
TINA
Do you think, as I get bigger, that
you’ll still find me attractive?
Bette fingers the tie and slowly unknots it. She traces
Tina’s body with the silk tips.
BETTE
Attraction is more than faces and
bodies, more than chemicals and
firing synapses, more than smell,
taste and tight abs. It’s your
smile, the sound of your laugh, the
softness of your touch, your light,
your mind, your spirit.
TINA
But I’m going to be fat, and
swollen, and cranky, and this woman
told me today that... That her
nipples would shoot out milk every
time her baby cried! They don’t
tell you those things in the books.
BETTE
It’s not fat for fat’s sake. It’s
creation. It’s our child that you
are sculpting. You know how, before
a big show, you and I walk the
floor of the C.A.C.
TINA
You put your hand on the small of
my back and guide me through your
work.
BETTE
I show you what I did and why, the
placement of every light and every
picture. And you love it. Why do
you think that is?
TINA
Because it’s you. It’s your hands,
your mind, your passion coming into
physical form. The way your mind
works is so different from mine. I
love that.
Bette strikes a match and lights a candle near by.
BETTE
Now, it’s your turn. Show me, tell
me how your body is changing, tell
me how it feels. Take me on a
guided tour.
Tina takes Bette’s hand and places her fingers on her hip bone then guides them across the circumference of her belly.
TINA
Everything is shifting inside me.
Like my organs are packing
themselves into smaller containers
to make room for a swarm of
butterflies. It’s nauseating, and
exhilarating and I have to pee all
the time. I think my bladder is the
baby’s Laz-E-boy.
INT. BLUEZ BAR - LATER
Reuben’s chair is a little closer.
KIT
Can I get you another? What are you
having?
REUBEN
I’m having a club soda on the
rocks.
KIT
Really? I thought you were laughing
at my jokes ‘cause you were
trashed.
Reuben takes a long last drink, weighing his next words.
REUBEN
I don’t drink, anymore. I’m a
recovering alcoholic.
KIT
Reuben, you are indeed, a treasure.
I’m right there with you.
REUBEN
I thought we might have more in
common when I saw you devouring
coffee instead of gin.
KIT
That was my drink, gin!
REUBEN
I’ve got a good eye for that. You
can learn a lot about a person by
what they drink.
KIT
So, Reuben, how long have you been
successful?
REUBEN
I walked the line, for a long time.
Sober for months and then life
would bitch slap me and I’d fall
hard. One night, I had an epiphany.
I was treating alcohol like it was
the cause of all my problems. I
realized, that it was the effect of
my problems. Things went bad, I
went numb. I treated the alcohol
like a thorn on a weed. Now, I’m
pulling out the root instead of
hacking at the weed and watching it
regrow.
KIT
I know we just met, you don’t have
to answer this but, what was the
root?
REUBEN
It’s different for everyone. For
me, I didn’t believe. This is going
to sound new agey and shit but I
didn’t believe in my own worth. I
am a wealthy man, Kit. I did
everything to prove to everyone
that I had worth. They all believed it, but I didn’t.
With liquor, well, it was liquid
confidence.
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - LATER
Tina lays on her stomach, naked. Bette straddles her in a bra and panties. Bette gently glides her hair down the length of Tina’s back followed by her hands.
TINA
You ready to talk about your shitty
day?
Bette pours some massage oil onto her back. Tina arches in response to the cold sensation. Bette puts her finger in the oil and traces Tina’s spine, causing Tina’s arch to tighten. Bette gathers the oil to her finger tips and spreads it across Tina’s back with generous strokes.
BETTE
I just can’t please that asshole.
TINA
Which asshole?
BETTE
Today’s asshole is Prantz. From the
Board of Directors. You remember
him?
TINA
Yeah, what’d he do?
BETTE
It’s not a specific thing, it’s an
attitude. It’s the constant trying
to read his mind and failing
miserably. Nothing is ever good
enough.
TINA
Sounds like another asshole.
BETTE
Not everything is about my dad,
Tina. And don’t call him an
asshole.
TINA
Everything you’ve ever done in your
life has been centered around
pleasing your father. You and Prantz got along great,
until your father didn’t approve of
this baby. Maybe Prantz has become
a substitute father figure.
Bette digs deeply into Tina’s muscles. She studies the
contours thoughtfully.
TINA (CONT’D)
Can you tell me of any time prior
to the D.D. that you had this
strong of a reaction to Mr. Prantz?
BETTE
D.D.?
TINA
The Daddy Diss.
BETTE
You need to get out of the house
more, Cookie Monster.
TINA
I would love some of those frosted
animal crackers with the sprinkles
or cookie dough ice cream... You’re
trying to distract the pregnant
woman by bringing up cookies. When
you change the subject, it means
I’m right.
BETTE
You’re right, Foxworthy. Prantz and
I have never fought like this
before. I guess, I asked for his
approval on some things. He
actually screamed at me for bugging
him with “insignificant details”.
He was just there to observe. Maybe
I deferred to him more than usual.
Bette pulls Tina’s arms down and massages her deltoids down to her fingers tips. She leans in and kisses Tina’s pulse point.
BETTE (CONT’D)
Before, I made decisions. I was
sure of them, I knew what I wanted.
And if I approved, I knew Prantz
and the rest of the Board would
approve.
Bette moves from Tina’s finger tips to her lower back and buttocks. Her hands move south till she has explored every inch of Tina’s legs. Bette kisses the inside of Tina’s knees and resumes her straddling position.
She takes her bra off and sets it on the bed. Bette leans into Tina’s ear. Tina’s eyes shoot open, feeling Bette’s breasts against her back.
BETTE (CONT’D)
So what you’re saying is that if I
do what pleases me, it will please
others.
Bette slides her body slowly down Tina’s back. Letting her breasts, hands, and lips encompass Tina. She kisses Tina’s lower back, rubbing her breasts against Tina’s butt causing Tina to arch once again. Bette slides up and begins from the top once more. Tina turns her head and kisses Bette. Her left hand clutches the pillow, her right hand encourages Bette to continue.
EXT. BLUEZ BAR - EVENING
Reuben and Kit exit the bar.
REUBEN
Can I walk you to your car?
KIT
I have a taxi coming.
Reuben turns to Kit and takes her hands into his.
REUBEN
Can I see you again?
KIT
I have a gig here on Monday. I
would love it if you would sit at
that same table and sip on your
club soda for me.
Kit lifts her lips to his and they kiss.
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - MORNING
Bette slowly pulls herself from Tina’s sleepy embrace. Tina halfheartedly opens her eyes.
TINA
It’s Saturday.
BETTE
I’m going to set things right.
TINA
Okay, but be back before the show.
BETTE
I won’t break tradition.
Bette kisses Tina’s eyebrow and heads for the bathroom.
INT. THE PLANET - AFTERNOON
Marina and Mark stand behind the bar.
MARK
Do you think that news anchor chick
will come by today?
MARINA
Her boss was pretty drunk, I doubt
he’ll remember.
MARK
How, exactly, do you check for
that?
MARINA
(shrugs)
I smile and see how she responds.
MARK
But what if she is gay and you’re
just not her type.
Jenny clears a nearby table.
MARINA
There are three smiles: One smile
says, “I think you’re hot.” You can
be straight, gay, or confused for
that one. The boldness of the smile
reveals if they’ve been with a
woman, yet. The second smile says
“I’m not interested but I am part
of the family.” The third smiles
says, “I’m straight. I’m looking at
your blouse not the boobs it
contains.”
Mark moves to help a customer, Jenny approaches the counter.
JENNY
How did you know I liked you?
MARINA
You kept looking at my mouth. Much
like you are now.
JENNY
I’m not tall enough to look you in
the eye.
Jenny storms off while Marina eyes Jenny and smiles to herself.
EXT. TENNIS COURTS - DAY
Dana sits on the bleachers watching a match unfold. She digs through her bag, reaching for her phone.
DANA
(on phone)
Damnit Alice, I can’t get it out of
my mind.
ALICE
I know, I keep trying to figure out
how they get the murkin thingy to
stick.
DANA
Not that, the noises...
(quieter)
The moaning, the tennis stuff.
Everywhere I go now, all I hear is
women groaning in ecstasy.
ALICE
You have that tournament today.
DANA
It’s torture. I have a huge match
tonight. If I can’t pull myself
together...
ALICE
Honey, here’s what you do. Take all
that angst, all that sexual
frustration and you put it into
your game. When’s your next match?
DANA
Later. What are you up to tonight?
INT. ALICE PIESZECKI’S HOME - SAME
Alice is sitting at her laptop
ALICE
Finishing up some writing. I should
be done soon. Where are you at?
EXT. TENNIS COURTS - SAME
DANA
I’m not telling, I don’t want you
to come. I’m too nervous as it is.
INT. ALICE PIESZECKI’S HOME - SAME
On Alice’s laptop is Dana’s tennis profile and a list of her upcoming matches.
ALICE
One of these days, you’re going to
have to let us see you live.
DANA
I know.
ALICE
Well, good luck sweety. Remember,
focus, use that tension and give it
to her.
EXT. TENNIS COURTS - SAME
Dana watches a game play out, a woman walks by.
DANA
(under her breath)
I’d like to give it to her.
Her neighbor, a man, looks at her and they give each other a
knowing smile.
ALICE
What?
DANA
Nothing. I’ll talk to you later.
INT. THE PLANET - DAY
The NEWS ANCHOR walks through the door. She takes a place at the bar and digs through her purse. She pulls out a card.
NEWS ANCHOR
(to Mark)
Excuse me. My boyfriend gave me
this, he said to show it to the
owner and she’d hook me up.
MARK
Let me get my boss.
Mark finds Marina. Jenny is clearing yet another table.
MARK (CONT’D)
Your two o’clock is here Dr.
Ferrer.
Marina approaches the new customer.
NEWS ANCHOR
He said you promised him a free
lunch.
MARINA
Yes, it’s good for a free lunch and
beverage. Can I start you out with
some coffee?
Marina smiles at the News Anchor. The News Anchor smiles back.
NEWS ANCHOR
I’d love a Mimosa.
Marina turns her back to her customer and signals to Mark a “three” with her fingers.
JENNY
(to Mark)
That means she’s straight?
MARK
Yep.
JENNY
But all she did was smile at her?
Jenny walks behind the counter and smiles at the News Anchor. She plays with her hair and tries to stand in a seductive manner. Marina places a tall glass in front of the News Anchor.
MARINA
Let me know when you are ready to
order.
(to Jenny)
Do you hear something?
JENNY
No.
MARINA
It’s a dirty table, Jennifer. Get
to it.
Jenny casts a glance back at the woman, then leaves.
NEWS ANCHOR
I’d like your number seven.
Marina writes down her order and passes it off.
MARINA
Your boss said you were a news
anchor. Do you do investigative
work or do you just read what’s
given to you?
NEWS ANCHOR
I’m trying to do both. I just
pitched an idea for a series of
stories about up and coming artists
and writers in the area.
Jenny, out of no where.
JENNY
I’m a writer!
NEWS ANCHOR
(to Jenny)
Really?
(to Marina)
I figured since there’s so much
stress on the movie industry here
that the other arts seemed to
disappear. I wanted to find them
again.
MARINA
Tonight we have an open mike poetry
session. You should stick around.
JENNY
I’ll be reading tonight.
MARINA
Back to work, solicit yourself on
your time, not mine.
Marina shoo’s her off.
MARINA (CONT’D)
I haven’t broken her in yet. Can I
get you another Mimosa?
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - EARLY EVENING
Tina sits in a big bubble bath alone. She looks at the clock. She blows some bubbles from her open hand.
The door cracks, Bette runs in naked and jumps into the bath.
TINA
Just in time.
Bette hands her a bag of Circus Animal cookies.
BETTE
I brought an offering of
repentance.
Tina scrunches her nose.
TINA
The texture of the sprinkles and
frosting sound gross now.
BETTE
Your stomach swings faster than
Rodriguez.
TINA
I’m sorry my stomach’s so hard to
please. Do you need me to fuck you
to disperse your sense of failure?
Tina props Bette’s ankle up on her shoulder. She puts shaving
cream over Bette’s exposed leg.
BETTE
This is by far my favorite
tradition.
Bette takes a drink from the champagne beside her and lets
her head rest on the wall. Tina proceeds to shave Bette’s
legs. Bette sinks a little further down into the bath tub.
BETTE (CONT’D)
Ow!
Tina stops shaving and looks up at Bette startled.
TINA
Did I cut you?
BETTE
Oh no baby, the soapy water on my
back. I forgot about your track
marks. It just stings a little.
Don’t stop.
Tina smiles and continues shaving Bette’s legs.
TINA
You’ve been saying that a lot
lately.
Bette bites into a cookie.
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
A boyish looking YOUNG MAN, late twenties, sits on the edge of a bed. He has short spiked hair, and no facial hair. His shirt is unbuttoned showing a hairless chest. His GIRLFRIEND
stands in front of him surveying her image in a full length mirror.
GIRLFRIEND
Honey, does this make me look fat?
The young man is frozen in panic, a deer in headlights.
YOUNG MAN
(his voice showing his
masculinity and age)
What?
INT. BETTE AND TINA’S HOME - SAME
BETTE
I said, does this make me look fat?
Tina enters the bedroom from the bathroom, she continues putting her earring on.
INT. APARTMENT - SAME
YOUNG MAN
No?
GIRLFRIEND
Honey, I need you to be honest with
me. How can I trust you if you
can’t even tell me the truth about
a simple dress.
The spider weaves her web. Her victim continues to stare at
the floor hoping for a way out.
YOUNG MAN
Do those shoes really go with that
outfit?
GIRLFRIEND
Don’t dodge, my shoes are fine.
Does this make me look fat?
The screen splits to show both couples.
YOUNG MAN
Yes.
TINA
Yes.
The Girlfriend glares at the Young Man then walks over to the
closet and jerks the hangers combing through them.
Tina walks to the closet and pulls out another outfit.
TINA
I absolutely love this on you.
BETTE
Thanks sweetie.
GIRLFRIEND
Thanks asshole.
EXT. SIDEWALK - LATER
Bette and Tina walk past a fountain that shoots out quick
spurts of water. Bette starts laughing.
TINA
What’s gotten into you?
BETTE
That’s what it’s going to be like.
(she points at the
fountain)
The baby will cry and your tits
will just...
The fountain bursts and Tina hits Bette playfully.
INT. BALLROOM - EVENING
Jaeden, sips on a martini and scans her fellow party goers.
She is wearing a tight black dress with a generous neckline.
An older gentleman, KARL, positions himself intimately behind
her.
KARL
I have fantasies about girls your
age.
JAEDEN
So do I.
She spots Shane and rushes to greet her along the edge of the
dancers.
SHANE
Who’s car did you have to fix to
get invited to this?
JAEDEN
I’ve done some work for the
producer. He told me the movie
sucked but the after party
wouldn’t.
SHANE
I’m glad to be your “plus one”.
They merge with the other dancers.
EXT. TENNIS COURTS - SAME
A flurry of tennis sights and sounds. Skirts swish, rackets
swing, muscles tighten and release.
ANNOUNCER
Thirty - Love.
INT. BALLROOM - LATER
The girls pony up to the bar, Karl moves to stand next to
Shane as Jaeden orders drinks.
KARL
If you ever need a deep...
SHANE
I’d rather have gasoline poured on
me.
Another man, the producer ELIJAH WALKER, pushes his way
between Karl and Shane.
ELIJAH
Just because it’s your fantasy,
doesn’t mean it’s theirs, Karl. Now
go find your banshee of a wife, I’m
sure you’ve had enough to make even
her attractive.
Karl leaves as Jaeden turns with the drinks in hand. She
gives one to Shane and smiles at Elijah.
JAEDEN
Elijah Walker, this is Shane
McCutcheon.
With her free hand Jaeden pulls the edge of her skirt up
showing money stashed securely in her thigh highs.
ELIJAH
Nice to meet you, Shane.
(to the bartender)
Put those on my tab.
SHANE
Do you have a gun stashed on the
other side?
Jaeden pulls her dress back down.
JAEDEN
If I were packing I wouldn’t be
able to walk straight.
ELIJAH
Straight is such a hard line to
walk.
They all drink to that.
ELIJAH (CONT’D)
Jaeden, you clean up nicely. I
can’t decide if you’re hotter in
the wife-beater or the dress. I
love your hair.
JAEDEN
You should thank Shane for that,
she sheered me.
Shane holds up her glass.
SHANE
(toasting)
To Tinkerbell, my first crush and
inspiration for Jaeden’s shorn
tresses.
They toast again.
JAEDEN
(To Elijah)
Certainly got the fairy dust on
you. I was into Jessica Rabbit.
ELIJAH
My vote goes to the Little Mermaid.
SHANE
I always wondered how those sea
shells stayed put.
JAEDEN
But she’s only sixteen.
SHANE
And you’ve got to wonder if, well,
it’s fish going in, is it fish
coming out?
ELIJAH
Can you imagine going down on
Tinkerbell? You’d be sneezing the
whole time.
JAEDEN
Plus she’s about this big.
Jaeden holds her fingers apart to show the height of about
two inches.
Across the Ballroom, Karl watches the two girls. His wife
approaches him.
WIFE
There may be hope for you yet,
Karl, looks like they’re talking
about you right now.
EXT. TENNIS COURTS - EVENING
Dana is poised and ready for her opponent’s serve. Steam
rises off her sweaty body and disperses into the night air.
The crowd is silent in anticipation.
With a large Ugghh, the serve is off. Dana cringes. The ball
speeds past her. Dana paces. Looks at her hands and readies
herself again.
Another serve. Dana moves, quickly, and in one motion puts
twenty five years of pent up tension into a backhand. The
ball flies past her opponent.
INT. BALLROOM - EVENING
JAEDEN
Just once I’d like the words “I’m a
lesbian“ to be a deterrent instead
of being greeted with “You can
bring your girlfriend.” It just
encourages them.
SHANE
Maybe they get a toaster, too.
ELIJAH
No, it needs to be more manly.
SHANE
Like a Foreman grill.
EXT. TENNIS COURTS - LATER
Dana slaps the ball across the court. It lands just inside
the outer line. Her opponent slows in defeat. Flashes and
cheers erupt. Alice, tucked out of Dana’s sight, joins the
crowd as they rise and clap. Dana calmly walks to the net and
greets her opponent a hearty hand shake. As Dana walks away
she gives herself to a broad smile.
INT. BALLROOM - LATER
SHANE
Then she says, “You know those
lesbians, they’re not just looking
for a girlfriend they’re looking to
double their wardrobe.”
Elijah, Shane, and Jaeden stand along the bar laughing.
ELIJAH
(to Shane)
I’ve been looking for someone like
you for my next project.
SHANE
Like me how?
ELIJAH
A funny lesbian.
SHANE
No, I will not host your daytime
talk show.
EXT. TENNIS COURTS - LATER
Dana walks away from a group of journalists. She pulls out
her phone and dials.
Alice is still in the bleachers. Her phone RINGS and she
answers it.
ALICE
I’m glad you thought of me. I’ll be
right there.
Dana gets into a chauffeured black sedan and closes her
phone.
INT. HOTEL - LATER
Dana pulls out her phone again and dials. Still in her tennis
skirt and sweaty shirt, she gets into a crowded elevator.
There is obviously a convention going on, everyone in the
elevator is dressed for business and has name tags on. Under
the elevator occupants conversations, a phone RINGS.
Dana listens intently, her ear pressed to the phone, waiting
for someone on the other end to pick up. The elevator door
opens and everyone, save one, exits.
The phone RING within the elevator becomes more pronounced
without the competition of conversation. Dana turns her head
in the direction of the RING. And there, in the corner, is
LARA.
DANA
You didn’t answer the first time.
LARA
Nope.
DANA
I won.
LARA
I know.
Dana closes her phone, Lara’s stops ringing. Dana looks
herself over self consciously.
DANA
I didn’t shower. I...
LARA
...was scared, now that you’re out
that they’d think you were looking.
DANA
Why are you...
LARA
(overlapping “you”)
You always get a room for
tournaments.
DANA
Deduction.
LARA
You played different tonight. With
such...
DANA
Confidence.
LARA
Passion.
The elevator stops at Dana’s floor. She pushes the hold
button then takes a step toward Lara. The elevator waits,
it’s doors open.
DANA
I’m sorr...
LARA
Don’t. I trust you even more now.
Knowing you did what you did for
you. Not me.
DANA
I know what I want now. I’m ready
to take it.
She drops her stuff and grabs Lara. They kiss. Softly,
tentative, reacquainting themselves. Dana takes Lara’s hand
in hers, she holds it against her breast plate, over her
heart.
DANA (CONT’D)
I didn’t appreciate you before.
That’s going to change.
They kiss again. Dana guides Lara’s free hand and places it
on her thigh. Leading her up the line of her well defined
muscles, under her tennis skirt, to the shelf of her butt.
Lara traces the edges of Dana’s panties as Dana presses Lara
into the back of the glass elevator.
INT. THE PLANET - EVENING
Alice sits next to Kit, the open mike hostess. She holds a
crumpled piece of paper between her two hands.
Jenny is still bussing tables. The News Anchor sits in a
chair, her Boyfriend/Boss Dan, sits next to her. They are
both intoxicated. When Jenny walks by, the News Anchor grabs
her.
NEWS ANCHOR
This is my boss... My boyfriend. I
mean he’s my boss, too.
(whispering loudly)
I mean, I didn’t sleep with him to
get the job. I...
JENNY
Don’t worry hun, you’re not the
only one here who’s slept with her
boss.
The News Anchor follows Jenny’s gaze and finds Marina behind
the bar with Mark.
NEWS ANCHOR
I’ve been meaning to ask where she
got that blouse.
MARK
(to Marina)
What is Alice doing here?
MARINA
I called her. She does more then
“best of” pieces.
INT. HOTEL - ELEVATOR - SAME
An older couple, late seventies, steps into the elevator. The
woman chokes back her alarm at the sight of Dana and Lara
making out.
Suddenly aware of their audience, Dana and Lara gather Dana’s
stuff. Dana smiles at the couple as she exits.
GENTLEMAN
You played awesome tonight.
DANA
(surprised)
Thank you.
WOMAN
Can we... Could we trouble you for
an autograph?
Lara stands in the door as Dana autographs a souvenir booklet
from the tournament.
GENTLEMAN
Thank you.
Dana exits and as the doors close behind them...
WOMAN
That was hot.
INT. THE PLANET - LATER
Kit continues to spin records. Alice is still seated beside
her.
KIT
I met this man the other night.
ALICE
Continue.
KIT
We talked all night. Not the chit
chat bullshit. But a conversation
with layers, and depth. It was
unreal. I had convinced myself that
feeling like that wasn’t possible.
And just when I had written it off,
he left a potted plant on my door
step. Here was this very real thing
making me face that, I wanted him
so bad, that instead of taking a
risk I made myself believe that it
wasn’t possible.
Kit takes the piece of paper out of Alice’s hands.
KIT(CONT’D)
You don’t need this. You’ve got it
memorized. What you need is to see
reality. You’re scared to make
yourself vulnerable. You’ve never
showed anyone this side. You’re
scared that they’ll reject it. And
the last thing you’ve got will be
gone. You’re scared to hope because
you want this so bad. What you need
to know is, it’s yours and they
can’t take it from you.
Alice squeezes Kit’s hand and steps up to the mike.
ALICE
I sit away from you to start the
game...
INT. BALLROOM - SAME
Jaeden and Shane are dancing, one song ends and another
begins at a slower pace. They move, casually, closer to each
other.
ALICE (V.O.) (CONT’D)
...and through the night we move
our bodies closer...
Jaeden turns her back to Shane. Shane places her hand on
Jaeden’s hip. Shane’s mouth grazes Jaeden’s neck, so soft
Jaeden feels her intention more then her lips.
ALICE (V.O.) (CONT’D)
...‘til warm breath on my neck
catches itself around my beating
heart. And I feel the heat of your
leg pressed to mine, cautious
touching. And I blink and look at
you and look away, warm wishes of
coming winding through my nervous
self...
INT. CALIFORNIA ART CENTER - SAME
The place is packed. Bette guides Tina through the gallery,
her hand on the small of Tina’s back.
ALICE (V.O.) (CONT’D)
And then always that first touch
when I grow sure you want me...
INT. DANA’S HOTEL ROOM - SAME
Dana’s hands grip the headboard, her long muscular back moves
to an escalating rhythm. Dana pulls up, suddenly, away from
the mouth below her. Lara grabs her hips and pulls Dana back
down. Dana’s fingers tighten, her mouth opens, her knuckles
whiten.
ALICE (V.O.) (CONT’D)
...and know that only the tick tock
of the anticipation clock separates
our swimming...
INT. THE PLANET - SAME
Alice, looking more confident with each word.
ALICE (V.O.) (CONT’D)
(continuing)
...in each other.
The late night crowd claps their approval.
JENNY
(to Mark)
Even her writing is ambiguous.
MARK
What do you mean?
JENNY
Her writing is genderless. That
could’ve been about anyone. She
must be a real five. Right smack
dab in the middle of the gaystraight
spectrum.
MARK
What are you?
JENNY
I’m confused. I don’t think they
have a number for that.
INT. BALLROOM - LATER
Shane and Jaeden watch as Karl approaches the boyish looking
Young Man and his Girlfriend, from before. She found a
different dress and there is obviously unresolved anger
between them.
Karl positions himself intimately behind the Young Man and
says something to his Girlfriend. The Young Man turns and
hits Karl in the stomach. Elijah rushes to help Karl.
KARL
(to Elijah)
I saw a heart shaped butt and no
facial hair. How was I supposed to
know it was a man and not a dyke?
The couple walks away.
YOUNG MAN
Do I have a girly butt?
His girlfriend relishes the insecurity role reversal.
GIRLFRIEND
Yeah.
They take a few more steps, the young man puts his arm around
his girlfriend.
YOUNG MAN
(laughing)
He thought you were a lesbian.
GIRLFRIEND
(playfully)
He thought you were one, too.
YOUNG MAN
Well, I guess that’s half true.
INT. THE PLANET - LATER
Dan stands and joins Marina at the bar. A few steps behind
him is his News Anchor Girlfriend.
DAN
So, what do you think?
MARINA
Your girlfriend is not a lesbian.
His girlfriend overhears this and steps into the
conversation.
NEWS ANCHOR
You sent me here ‘cause you thought
I was gay! You wouldn’t know a
lesbian if she was looking you
right in the face.
The News Anchor raises an eyebrow to Marina. Dan looks at his
girlfriend then Marina.
DAN
(to Marina)
You? No way.
MARINA
Maybe if you were more observant.
DAN
(to News Anchor)
But we’ve only had sex twice.
NEWS ANCHOR
Maybe if your doctor prescribed
more than five Viagra at a time...
Marina locks arms with Mark as he passes by.
MARK
Which begs the question, what’d he
do with the other three?
MARINA
Maybe he’s interviewing for a new
weather girl.
Marina joins Alice at a table along the edge of the
restaurant.
MARINA
(to Alice)
I forgot to ask you on the phone
how did Dana do?
ALICE
She rocked. She finally beat
Caprioti. I’ve never seen her play
like that before.
INT. CALIFORNIA ART CENTER - LATER
Tina stands before a painting, a glass of ice water in her
hand. Bette approaches Tina from behind, she wraps her arms
around Tina and lets her chin set on Tina’s shoulder.
BETTE
(whispering)
I’m falling in love with you all
over again.
Tina turns to face Bette, still contained in Bette’s embrace.
TINA
I love you, too.
EXT. THE PLANET - LATER
Mark and Jenny exit.
MARK
So what’s it like?
JENNY
It?
MARK
Being with a woman.
JENNY
Couldn’t I ask you the same thing?
MARK
I mean what’s the difference? You
know compare and contrast.
JENNY
That sounds like an essay question.
She walks past a rose bush and plucks a perfectly budded
rose.
JENNY (CONT’D)
It’s softer...
She takes his hand in hers and runs the rose down his inner
arm.
JENNY (CONT’D)
For you and I, this rose is soft.
But to the rose, even our softest
skin has got to be somewhat,
abrasive. But a petal, surrounded
by dozens of other satin soft
petals, caressing each other...
Well, it’s like that.
She pulls her hand back, breaking the spell.
MARK
Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense.
JENNY
Good night.
FADE OUT.
Monday, January 27, 2014
My midnight father
When I was little, I had terrible ear aches. For two years, throbbing pain. Like a demon heart crawled into my ears to thump thump thump. And I would cry. Even then, I wasn't one of those girls. I would fall, scrape my knee and laugh. I would break my wrist and finish the game, then play three more. So when I cried, my parents knew. There was a lot they didn't know then. That they don't know now. Demon hearts crawling into my head, they knew about but my older brother crawling into my bed, they did not. My ears hurt mostly at night. It kept me from sleeping. My parent's room was below mine and my Dad would hear me crying. He would come in, scoop me up, give me my medicine and then rock me to sleep. He would rock me gently and tell me stories. My head pressed to his chest, tears and pain still wracking my five year old body. And he just held me and told me the stories that made up of his life. Gently rocking, gently talking. The low timber of his voice moving around the pain. The medicine did nothing for my ears, it was essentially codeine, but it would, eventually put me to sleep. My father would wrap me up with love. And for those precious moments I would just be a little girl in my dad's arms. Not a little girl with secrets or fucked up ears. No demons in my head or in my bed. Just safe, and loved. My dad doesn't know this now. Now, he doesn't really know anything. His brain has deteriorated to the point that his loved ones are his enemies in a war he never served in. I did tell him. I did. I told him before all this, before Lewy Body's ate his ability to remember that pee goes in toilets not in shoes. I told him this, my purest memory of me & my dad. And how much it meant to me then. And how much it means to me right now. Now as I rock my own self to sleep. The nights when demons crawl into my head and whisper. My ears are good now. I even make a living with them. My parents finally jumped through every hoop their insurance threw at them and got me to a specialist who cured me with a balloon, a cup of water, and a squirt of air. Turns out the only dainty part of my body is my cute little inner ear but like every other part of me, it's different and doesn't function the way everyone else's does. The specialist taught me how to prevent the pain from ever happening again. And even then, after I was cured of one demon. I could still wake my dad in the middle of the night after nightmares or sickness or just needing him. Needing to hear his voice and his stories. Needing to just be that little girl with no secrets.
There is so much about him, things I never wanted to be like. Now as I struggle to learn how to dance I blame part of it on the genetics of my father. But this, this gift he gave me. I love. I cherish. And I hope above all things that I can greet my loved ones when they are in pain and bring them comfort and peace, to bring them a moment where they too can just be.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Preach
"It takes a long time sometimes to realize that a girl who loves your love doesn’t necessarily love you" - Heather Hogan (Jan 16, 2014)
I realized
I could never have what I thought I wanted
So
I changed my thoughts
about what I wanted
I want joy, now
I want to Enjoy Now
so now
I think joy
and my days
my moments
i feel it
no longer tortured
by thoughts of
why
what did I do wrong?
why do you hide from me?
why do you make those promises?
only to break them
NOW
Just loving
what IS
instead of lamenting
what WAS, what Could
whatever
enjoying today
and all the love it truly contains
my cup overfloweth
I realized
I could never have what I thought I wanted
So
I changed my thoughts
about what I wanted
I want joy, now
I want to Enjoy Now
so now
I think joy
and my days
my moments
i feel it
no longer tortured
by thoughts of
why
what did I do wrong?
why do you hide from me?
why do you make those promises?
only to break them
NOW
Just loving
what IS
instead of lamenting
what WAS, what Could
whatever
enjoying today
and all the love it truly contains
my cup overfloweth
4:51 AM
where do you go
when i frighten you awaybut they aren't for you
or from you
but not away
just free
does my shadow move differently to you?
Do I offer love while my shadow declares war?
what do you see?
what you say I feel, i don't
it doesn't mean i can't hear you
i just mean, no love
if you peek intto my heart
if you peek intto my heart
then stay for the whole show
maybe it seems like anger
when you can't see the third act
but here, inside me
it's warm with love
not hot with anger
sometimes there is anger,
sometimes there is frustration
but I don't stay there
I don't take a bath in it
I don't marinate in it
I'm trying
trying to move forward and away
searching for other feels
searching for other feels
timidly hopeful feels
and
whenever we
the three
are together
are together
i am a sponge
soak yous up
and do my best to not hurt my sacred yous
with old bricks
with old bricks
just tender touches
with timidly hopeful fingertips
so wherever you are
wherever you go
please know
i miss you
i love you
sometimes i'm clumsy
sometimes i'm deaf
sometimes i'm lame
and a lot of times i don't understand and i need you desperately to explain things to me
but i'm alwaysgoing to TRY
the fear of fucking up
what happens if i run out
what if this waterfall of hope
dries out
dries out
suddenly
what if I can't pick him up
the next time
the next time
and there will be a next time
these seizures
these body quakes
these body quakes
these brain fuckers
mind melters
Its like a glacier that melts and releases all his insecurities all at once
it blinds him to truth
makes him desperate
makes him mean
and lonely
and lonely
vulnerable
and vicious
all at once
what if I can't find the purest sweetest memory of what he truly is
what if I can't show him right when he needs it most
if i can't
he's dead
my world is shattered
and the whole world loses a beautiful soul without ever saying thank you
Prayer to Eros
Let my scars teach me
Not jade me
Not blind me
Let me see truth
With my heart
Help me extinguish self doubt
Deny mind worms
That whisper in my ear
Let me believe
In new beginnings
In hope
In love
In US
Help me be the best me I can be
Not jade me
Not blind me
Let me see truth
With my heart
Help me extinguish self doubt
Deny mind worms
That whisper in my ear
Let me believe
In new beginnings
In hope
In love
In US
Help me be the best me I can be
Rain girl
She seemed to walk between the raindrops. Those same drops that
assaulted my skin. I stood there in awe as she spun sending her coat
tails flaring. She was free. I thought of all the times I had used
that word when in fact I was describing something burdened. This was
the correct ‘free’, unleashed, even. I watched her and made a conscious
effort to remember each lucid movement. It was as if everything had
slowed down, just a bit, even the rain. I could no longer feel the
abusive water on my neck. I wished for a camera, that a picture would
capture this, these, moments better than my feeble words. Pictures can
capture feelings. My thesaurus gives me ‘free’. Perhaps it was that
simple. She there with her face turned to the heavens, singing ‘rain
drops on roses and whiskers on kittens’. I could still feel the burden
of eyes. We made our way down the street, me behind her. People in
windows had the same awkward reaction as I. They smile, chuckle a bit,
and point out their amusement to a friend, while deep inside they long
for that willingness to shed these rules that will forever hold us
back. I have played that game. I play this game everyday in my head. I
dread who I will encounter each day, because I despise the player I
become around them. But she… She is who I wish to be, to achieve that
careless wisp. That smile that appears from nowhere. I’ve had it. I
was so stunned I tried to hold it back. But it is irrepressible. Maybe
some day it will swell up inside me and burst on an evening such as
this. The smile will capture my lips forever and I will sing show tunes
and not give a damn what anyone else thinks. But today, rather tonight,
I will walk steadily behind, a witness to her radiance.
Summer 1999
(I wrote it after hearing that song “beautiful” by Joydrop)
Summer 1999
(I wrote it after hearing that song “beautiful” by Joydrop)
not a real red head
May 3rd, 2003
You used to let me in
to press the petals
and pass the wine
in your garden of thoughts
moments of shadow, despair,
and light
in the flash of a bloody past
resorting to old habits
cultivating walls
I can’t see how you move
or what thoughts transgress
I find myself mourning
midnights
of stars + ponds
laughter + intimacy
Where do you go in your
search
not me
hopefully, mostly, maybe you.
Is this my destiny?
How did I get so far away
from who I am
what have I become
Do cheaters always cheat
do victim’s always bleed
is the only comfort knowing
there are only so many more
deaths I could die
can desperation change this tide
show me the truth
take away these eyes
take away these lies
show me the truth
this is me.
the weekdays i hold together.
i hold the reins tightly with a clenched fist
and a white knuckle jaw
i fight back tears and convulsions
to get through my day
for my job
for the roof over my head
the weekend crashes into me
waves of red wine
waves of sorrow
tears everywhere
tears like blood
shed
this is my week
this is my month
this is my life
holding on and getting through
only to start over
this is me.
the weekdays i hold together.
i hold the reins tightly with a clenched fist
and a white knuckle jaw
i fight back tears and convulsions
to get through my day
for my job
for the roof over my head
the weekend crashes into me
waves of red wine
waves of sorrow
tears everywhere
tears like blood
shed
this is my week
this is my month
this is my life
holding on and getting through
only to
You used to let me in
to press the petals
and pass the wine
in your garden of thoughts
moments of shadow, despair,
and light
in the flash of a bloody past
resorting to old habits
cultivating walls
I can’t see how you move
or what thoughts transgress
I find myself mourning
midnights
of stars + ponds
laughter + intimacy
Where do you go in your
search
not me
hopefully, mostly, maybe you.
Is this my destiny?
How did I get so far away
from who I am
what have I become
Do cheaters always cheat
do victim’s always bleed
is the only comfort knowing
there are only so many more
deaths I could die
can desperation change this tide
show me the truth
take away these eyes
take away these lies
show me the truth
this is me.
the weekdays i hold together.
i hold the reins tightly with a clenched fist
and a white knuckle jaw
i fight back tears and convulsions
to get through my day
for my job
for the roof over my head
the weekend crashes into me
waves of red wine
waves of sorrow
tears everywhere
tears like blood
shed
this is my week
this is my month
this is my life
holding on and getting through
only to start over
this is me.
the weekdays i hold together.
i hold the reins tightly with a clenched fist
and a white knuckle jaw
i fight back tears and convulsions
to get through my day
for my job
for the roof over my head
the weekend crashes into me
waves of red wine
waves of sorrow
tears everywhere
tears like blood
shed
this is my week
this is my month
this is my life
holding on and getting through
only to
taste
I want to unearth you
delve into your subconscious
bathe in the warmth of
your smile
listen to you rattle
off memories
I find you
so wild & contagious
I want to feel your
mouth
the fullness of lips
the textures of tongues
the richness of hips
the softness
swerves and curves
delve into your subconscious
bathe in the warmth of
your smile
listen to you rattle
off memories
I find you
so wild & contagious
I want to feel your
mouth
the fullness of lips
the textures of tongues
the richness of hips
the softness
swerves and curves
Friday, January 17, 2014
Junior year
April 8, 2000 – at night on my couch avoiding a Philosophy paper that I never did do
She let out a long sigh
as she tried to put words to experiences
a whirl of a weekend
drained
she was drained but calling to console me
in my worried anxious state
all I had done was add to the burden her body felt
she asks me, do you know that yellow roses are a sign of friendship
red for passion
I had sent her both because I didn’t know exactly how I felt
I look at you and wonder what you see in me
passion in your eyes, but why
why do they adore me
how do I deserve this attention
I kiss you out of duty rather then desire
underlying fear smothers out passion
I can only be physical when I am drunk
I do things to satisfy you and cry when you leave
not because you are gone but because I am sober
My friend says I am searching for some lost piece
something was taken from me when I was little
she says that I think you have that piece
so I will travel miles
meet eat
and never find that piece
she says the answers inside me
not you
He says, you have these times when you’re quiet
why is that?
my reply – simple – I have nothing to say
or maybe I’ve slipped away
to some world
where I am finally free and beautiful
It is never equal
I either love too much and thus left for “too much”
or they love enough for two
their usefulness spent
cast aside for my next need
I have a boy
I will keep
I wonder what my motivation is
he looks at me so intensely
I like being a mystery
inside thoughts linger
he will meet the folks
so this summer
when I go dancing and flirt with girls
they will be reassured
that I am not gay
just drunk
I want to call you
let your voice set a trance
that relieves this pressure on my soul
to bleed
I want to escape these questions that burn
afraid answers will never come
I know I could stab myself right through my hand
I would enjoy the pain
dark hot enveloping
distracting from the questions that I can’t run from
anymore
You should run away
RIGHT NOW
run and never turn back
I only get uglier each layer the more you peel off
you will see to the heart of me
decaying writhing and dead
run
Shadows bounce on walls
flame flicker lick the wax slowly melts away to a core
golden glow warms
yet yields danger
warm and inviting
hot and trembling
touched and blistered
never to return again
I loathe myself
and so I worry that one day you will loathe me too
that you will see through whatever you have found
that was good
fruit that is rotten
***
staring back at my wake
all these pieces
I can’t exchange
choices beautiful
choices pain
I lost a lot back there
including you
I gained a lot through here
including her
I wouldn’t change a thing
‘cept I wonder about you
and your darkness
you always knew when I was crying
Aren’t we opposites
I bare my soul
you bare your body
if I want to see your soul
does that mean you want to see my body?
She let out a long sigh
as she tried to put words to experiences
a whirl of a weekend
drained
she was drained but calling to console me
in my worried anxious state
all I had done was add to the burden her body felt
she asks me, do you know that yellow roses are a sign of friendship
red for passion
I had sent her both because I didn’t know exactly how I felt
I look at you and wonder what you see in me
passion in your eyes, but why
why do they adore me
how do I deserve this attention
I kiss you out of duty rather then desire
underlying fear smothers out passion
I can only be physical when I am drunk
I do things to satisfy you and cry when you leave
not because you are gone but because I am sober
My friend says I am searching for some lost piece
something was taken from me when I was little
she says that I think you have that piece
so I will travel miles
meet eat
and never find that piece
she says the answers inside me
not you
He says, you have these times when you’re quiet
why is that?
my reply – simple – I have nothing to say
or maybe I’ve slipped away
to some world
where I am finally free and beautiful
It is never equal
I either love too much and thus left for “too much”
or they love enough for two
their usefulness spent
cast aside for my next need
I have a boy
I will keep
I wonder what my motivation is
he looks at me so intensely
I like being a mystery
inside thoughts linger
he will meet the folks
so this summer
when I go dancing and flirt with girls
they will be reassured
that I am not gay
just drunk
I want to call you
let your voice set a trance
that relieves this pressure on my soul
to bleed
I want to escape these questions that burn
afraid answers will never come
I know I could stab myself right through my hand
I would enjoy the pain
dark hot enveloping
distracting from the questions that I can’t run from
anymore
You should run away
RIGHT NOW
run and never turn back
I only get uglier each layer the more you peel off
you will see to the heart of me
decaying writhing and dead
run
Shadows bounce on walls
flame flicker lick the wax slowly melts away to a core
golden glow warms
yet yields danger
warm and inviting
hot and trembling
touched and blistered
never to return again
I loathe myself
and so I worry that one day you will loathe me too
that you will see through whatever you have found
that was good
fruit that is rotten
***
staring back at my wake
all these pieces
I can’t exchange
choices beautiful
choices pain
I lost a lot back there
including you
I gained a lot through here
including her
I wouldn’t change a thing
‘cept I wonder about you
and your darkness
you always knew when I was crying
Aren’t we opposites
I bare my soul
you bare your body
if I want to see your soul
does that mean you want to see my body?
my little storm cloud - 2000
March 7, 2000 – 3 a.m.
I woke last night to torn stitches
she had been mended to my side
my hands searched in vain a pillow pulled tightly
my body misses what my mind never possessed.
I used to wake sleep still lingering in my eyes
my lazy fingers caressed her naked back
she smelled of flowers and berries and sweetness
her weight upon me, her cheek nuzzled to my heart
casting away the hollowness
I told myself I didn’t love her
now feathers prick my fingers and I hate myself
for falling
She will never be held
never be owned
she will seduce and cast spells
each victim desperately tightening their grasp
Only to let her slip through their fingers like sand
I sit here and study about friendship
my mind wanders to those times where friendship wasn’t enough
those hungry times where dreams led to feasting
to taste that passion that pulsed through your entire being
to be close enough to hear the whisper of your heart
to get lost in your body
those eyes
I woke last night to torn stitches
she had been mended to my side
my hands searched in vain a pillow pulled tightly
my body misses what my mind never possessed.
I used to wake sleep still lingering in my eyes
my lazy fingers caressed her naked back
she smelled of flowers and berries and sweetness
her weight upon me, her cheek nuzzled to my heart
casting away the hollowness
I told myself I didn’t love her
now feathers prick my fingers and I hate myself
for falling
She will never be held
never be owned
she will seduce and cast spells
each victim desperately tightening their grasp
Only to let her slip through their fingers like sand
I sit here and study about friendship
my mind wanders to those times where friendship wasn’t enough
those hungry times where dreams led to feasting
to taste that passion that pulsed through your entire being
to be close enough to hear the whisper of your heart
to get lost in your body
those eyes
April ?, 2000 – Some directing lecture
she handed me a puzzle
and dared me to see
through her hieroglyphics
a message in my hand
and no decoder
I did not hand her my heart and say
“Please
handle with care
I only have one”
Instead I said,
“I will never leave you.”
Which somehow translates to:
“Here is my heart
please stab it many times with dull items so as to not only break it
but to make it a form of torture as well.”
Seeking answers to questions
that aren’t really questions
because they are just lines
I have walked before
answers I’ve found
but too busy wading in de Nial
to learn from them
and dared me to see
through her hieroglyphics
a message in my hand
and no decoder
I did not hand her my heart and say
“Please
handle with care
I only have one”
Instead I said,
“I will never leave you.”
Which somehow translates to:
“Here is my heart
please stab it many times with dull items so as to not only break it
but to make it a form of torture as well.”
Seeking answers to questions
that aren’t really questions
because they are just lines
I have walked before
answers I’ve found
but too busy wading in de Nial
to learn from them
all it took was one song
broken
re brokenclosed with Kevlar
still coming
repatch it up
disintegrated
streaming
where did they all come from
and each one is exhausted
penetrating so deep
past every wall
every lock
its every key all at once
all my boundaries blurred
it's like being haunted from the inside
Ssong 3-31-2010
I cut your hair
I slash your skin
I draw your blood
Cause to me
It feels like love
I draw and quarter you
I slash and burn you
I kick and kill you
Cause to me
It feels like love
I'm addicted
To your blood
It feels like love
Copper soft
Sticky hot
I suck you dry
It makes me high
To bring you down
hollow you out
Make you doubt
it feels like love
I slash your skin
I draw your blood
Cause to me
It feels like love
I slash and burn you
I kick and kill you
Cause to me
It feels like love
To your blood
It feels like love
Copper soft
Sticky hot
I suck you dry
It makes me high
To bring you down
hollow you out
Make you doubt
it feels like love
homework
A prayer for the caged blackbird
Please
Show me the way
Show me the way
I can't see
And its so cold here
So many people have seen my insides & walked away
I carry their rejection in my skin
Its so cold here
I don't know how to unweave
My stitches are the only thing holding me together
Please
Show me the way
Show me the way
I can't see
And its so cold here
So many people have seen my insides & walked away
I carry their rejection in my skin
Its so cold here
I don't know how to unweave
My stitches are the only thing holding me together
Friday, January 10, 2014
Blessed
I'm sorry
all I can ever do
is show you
how I see you
how you make me feel
it is a singular perspective
i wish i could get inside there
i wish i could do more
but at least
me being this way
makes me appreciate
you
and her
and you and her
even more
i have such respect
such awe for it all
and i'm glad you have someone
that could crawl inside there
instead of just telling you how
you look and feel
out here
you deserve
it ALL
and I'm so happy
and blessed
that you choose me
that you hold me
still
-coffee shop 2009
all I can ever do
is show you
how I see you
how you make me feel
it is a singular perspective
i wish i could get inside there
i wish i could do more
but at least
me being this way
makes me appreciate
you
and her
and you and her
even more
i have such respect
such awe for it all
and i'm glad you have someone
that could crawl inside there
instead of just telling you how
you look and feel
out here
you deserve
it ALL
and I'm so happy
and blessed
that you choose me
that you hold me
still
-coffee shop 2009
Cass
my cup overfloweth
you give me space you give me time
in just the right dose so i listen and stop being so fucking stubborn
when i least deserve it
you give me compassion
you give me serenity
in darkness
and my cup overfloweth
- Christmas 2013
Orpheus
My name is Orpheus
And I am brave enough
To face the underworld
I have charm enough
To bend Hades heart
My name is Orpheus
Do I have faith enough
To see us through
Cause I wasn't scared
Till I got in this tunnel
With you
Love sent me down here
It taught my tongue the words
Our tale a true one
Our love a true one too
My name is Orpheus
Do I have faith enough
To see us through
I know you're behind me
I know you're behind me
Then the darkness eats away
All the courage
All the brave
Cause I can't hear your foot falls
And I wasn't scared till
I got in this tunnel with you
There's no fear
when you have nothing to lose
Now I have to choose
Do I look back
Will you be there
Behind me dead men hiss
They tell me I'm wrong
Need just one kiss
To keep me strong
But no kisses
No hugs
No words
No sound
Just a promise in my pocket from before this hell
I choose to fight forward
Every step a choice
Because I know
At least he'll be free
But past that threshold
There's no guarantee
That he'll want me
I am Orpheus
You think you know my tale
But this time
I won't fail
- Spring 2013
- Spring 2013
Morning Mom
In the mornings is when I miss my mom the most. She wouldn't walk
in, she would bound in. I am not a morning person, but she definitely
is. Our paths would cross early in the morning before she left for work
and I for school. She would dance and sing and talk to me while I
tried to wipe the sleep from my brain. My favorite was the morning of
my birthdays. She would pounce on me and sing a morning birthday song.
One that was all her own. It was like waking up to the cutest puppy
licking your cheek. It was the greatest. I would play like I wanted to
sleep more and her laughter and her smiles and her tickles would infect
me, would spread through me and would shine inside me for the rest of
the day. With a quick hop-skip-boop she would be out of my room and on
to her next beat. I would meet her again in the kitchen and this time
she would offer me stillness. A perfect hug. The hug that reminded me,
that whispers kindly in my ear "you are never alone, you are loved, and
even when there's something in your heart that you aren't quite ready
to talk about, I'm here whenever you need me."
So I sit here in an empty kitchen with a cup of tea and
that stillness she gave me, is here inside me. (The hop-skip-boop is
inside me too, it just comes out later in the day) I wonder how to pass it on to my own kids, and I wonder if they, like me, won't fully appreciate ALL of it till they are 33.
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